Some Dramamine with that Apple?

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Apple is having a rough year. Just in itself, that fact is weird and unsettling.

It's like hearing the coolest kid in high school -- the kid you admired and liked but never spent much time with because you were never going to have hair that good - is going through a bad time at home because his parents are splitting up, or his dog died, or his stock price is down and the French are mad at him for some reason.

I suppose it was inevitable. We fall in love, we are smitten and adoring, and then we start looking for flaws. It's human nature; I always say that the great tragedy of Romeo and Juliet is that their parents didn't just keep dropping them at the bowling alley until they got tired of each other. It would have taken two weeks, tops, at the rate they were going.

You start from "she doth teach the torches to burn bright," add some expectations, disappointments and real life, and you quickly get to "thou makest me sick."

Which is exactly what Apple users are saying right now, thanks to the new iOS 7 upgrade.

Look: I'm not a real technophobe, but I do have analog tendencies. I like paper maps. I like boundaries. I realize that's just me, and I have no problem with other people putting video of their colonoscopy online and broadcasting every random thought that comes into their heads as if they had electrodes in their brains. People should do and have what they wish, whether I like it or not. For example, I think Miley Cyrus should have her tongue stapled to her chin to save her the trouble of constantly putting and holding it there.

All I'm saying is be careful what you wish for. Because those clever, clever geeks at Apple will deliver it - and they can upgrade your iPhone and your iPad, but the one thing that is not getting upgraded is your squishy organic brain and the way it processes visual information.

The new iOS 7 is so good, so sharp, so brilliant with its zooming and quivering icons that it is giving people motion sickness. When they're not moving.

Apple's support website is being flooded, since the upgrade was released, with queasy consumer complaints about dizziness, nausea and headaches.

"I just used my phone for about 20 minutes," said one, as reported by NBC News, "and now I feel like I'm going to vomit."

"The resolution is very high," explained a university psychologist, "so you've got a very sharp, clear image -- moving."

Also, "It looks three-dimensional, but it's actually two-dimensional. When that happens, your eye doesn't know exactly where to focus."

A researcher in motion sickness (that must go over big at cocktail parties) from the University of Minnesota reckons it's only going to get worse: "As imaging technology develops across platforms ... we find an increasing tendency for it to make people sick."

Boy, back in the old days, if you wanted to get sick reading you had to get somebody to drive you around in a car.

And speaking of that ... Apple has another problem, this time with its infamously unhelpful maps app.

Last month, disabled directions to the airport in Fairbanks, Alaska, were somehow reactivated, leading a couple of motorists to drive to the terminal via a taxiway crossing an active runway.

Apple didn't return a call from the Associated Press seeking comment Friday.

They were probably lying on the floor trying to get over the spins.


Samantha Bennett, freelance writer:


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