Peter Leo: We need commercial to tell us about cure for ads we just hate

Share with others:

Print Email Read Later

Appar­ently some of you have found a way to watch tele­vi­sion with­out the ads. What a shame.

Not only are you miss­ing some fas­ci­nat­ing stuff, but you’re not qual­i­fied to take this quiz. As al­ways, all an­swers are cor­rect, since our pol­icy is to never un­der­mine reader self-es­teem.

• One of the great TV ads in re­cent times is the Cialis clas­sic fea­tur­ing a man and a woman in sep­a­rate bath­tubs on a moun­tain­top with a stun­ning view. What’s the flaw in this ad?

a) Isn’t it fairly easy to re­serve a queen-size tub on a sce­nic moun­tain? b) It un­der­mines the Cialis mes­sage be­cause the guy has been stuck in his bath­tub for lon­ger than four years with­out a trip to the emer­gency room. c) If the two were truly in love, they’d be tex­ting each other in­stead of wast­ing time star­ing at a sun­set. d) If this ad was re­ally about sex, it would be a beer com­mer­cial.

• Why have the re­li­ably an­noy­ing “Messin’ with Sasquatch” ads made Jack Link’s Beef Jerky so suc­cess­ful?

a) The ju­ve­nile qual­ity makes it pop­u­lar among Jack Link’s tar­get au­di­ence: 6- to 9-year-old boys. b) Ev­ery­body can laugh at the hairy crea­ture’s di­lemma with­out in­hi­bi­tion be­cause the Sasquatch com­mu­nity lacks a de­cent pres­sure group. c) It shows we sup­pos­edly su­pe­rior hu­mans can learn a les­son from a men­tally de­fi­cient Sasquatch: You don’t have to be a vic­tim — strike back by se­ri­ously in­jur­ing your tor­menter. d) It sends an im­por­tant anti-bul­ly­ing mes­sage: Never play tricks on a good-na­tured but vol­a­tile crea­ture that doesn’t ex­ist.

• Which is your idea of a ground­break­ing ad?

a) An au­to­mo­bile ad fea­tur­ing a car do­ing less than 75 mph. b) A beer com­mer­cial por­tray­ing fully clothed beer drink­ers older than 25, not count­ing the slightly creeped up “Most In­ter­est­ing Man in the World.” c) A 10-minute bank ad that si­lently scrolls a list of the bank’s fees. d) A car in­sur­ance ad with this gun-to-the-head voice­over: “Many brand-new au­to­mo­biles were de­stroyed in the mak­ing of this ri­dic­u­lous com­mer­cial.”

• Why are the stu­pid peo­ple in “funny” ads al­most al­ways white men?

a) The ad­ver­tis­ing in­dus­try is aton­ing for those days when women were more likely to be cast as the dum­mies. b) Like the Sasquatch com­mu­nity, white men have no ef­fec­tive lob­by­ing group. c) White men are in­her­ently stu­pid. d) They make up the saf­est group to make fun of in po­lit­i­cally cor­rect times, way safer than the dis­tant run­ner-up: Islamic ter­ror­ists.

• Lib­erty Mu­tual in­sur­ance ads por­tray ev­ery­day ac­ci­dents that hap­pen “be­cause we’re hu­man.” Which of these ev­ery­day ac­ci­dents has hap­pened to you?

a) You’re wa­ter­ing the lawn near your car and don’t no­tice your neigh­bor up in a tree with a chain­saw, so are shocked when a huge limb crushes your car and just misses you. b) You drive home for­get­ting that you have two bi­cy­cles atop your car and bar­rel into the ga­rage, de­stroy­ing the bikes. c) After park­ing, you open the driver’s door and a car do­ing 90 rips off your door with­out stop­ping. d) Pre­par­ing to back out of your drive­way, you wave to a neigh­bor and, in­stead of put­ting the car in re­verse, hur­tle it through the ga­rage.

• Why is it a bad idea to eat din­ner while watch­ing the na­tional news?

a) Using a source other than the In­ter­net for news, and with tons of drug com­mer­cials? It’s a sure sign that you’re old. b) You’re likely to run into an ap­pe­tite-de­stroy­ing ad for bowel block­age or in­con­ti­nence. c) As if the news wasn’t de­press­ing enough, the non­stop drug ads lay out what aw­ful mal­a­dies await. d) If you’re busy eat­ing dur­ing the drug ads, you can’t jot down the rapid-fire list of po­ten­tially fa­tal side ef­fects.

• What’s your dream ad?

a) A guy thank­ful for his in­sur­ance is hor­ri­bly maimed af­ter a care­less neigh­bor, stand­ing on his car, cuts down a huge tree limb. b) A man cured of erec­tile dys­func­tion goes to meet his date on a moun­tain­top and finds an am­o­rous Sasquatch in the ad­join­ing tub. c) Two “hu­man” in­sur­ance agents come to blows af­ter a fender-bender. d) The red­head from the Wendy’s ads re­nounces ba­con pret­zel burg­ers as a health threat and runs off with the Geico Gecko, and the two go on to live ac­tive lives in a Cen­trum Sil­ver ad.

Peter Leo of Squir­rel Hill, a re­tired Post-Ga­zette col­um­nist and oc­ca­sional Port­fo­lio con­trib­u­tor, can be reached at peter­leo11@com­

Join the conversation:

Commenting policy | How to report abuse
To report inappropriate comments, abuse and/or repeat offenders, please send an email to and include a link to the article and a copy of the comment. Your report will be reviewed in a timely manner. Thank you.
Commenting policy | How to report abuse

Create a free PG account.
Already have an account?

You have 2 remaining free articles this month

Try unlimited digital access

If you are an existing subscriber,
link your account for free access. Start here

You’ve reached the limit of free articles this month.

To continue unlimited reading

If you are an existing subscriber,
link your account for free access. Start here