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Sunday, July 27, 2003

By Ervin Dyer, Post-Gazette Staff Writer

Today, Mike Rogers is the man he wished his dad had been -- available.

Photos of Rogers' children hang on the walls in his office at the Hill House.

He throws balls with his kids. He takes them to the movies.

A few years ago, this kind of involvement was unimaginable.

With no father at home, Rogers got his ideas about manhood on the corner, where there were no lessons in child-raising.

	Brandon Bennett, left, of McKees Rocks, and Mike Rogers listen to a participant in one of Rogers' Father's Program talks at the Hill House Association in the Hill District. The program offers support to help build fatherhood responsibilities. (Martha Rial, Post-Gazette)

When there were problems and "I went for advice," Rogers said, "they gave me a gun."

Rogers is not alone. A complicated stew of social and economic factors means a lot of young black men are missing in action from family life.

Statistics show there are 9.3 million black men over age 20 living in the United States and many are institutionalized, jobless and/or suffering with HIV/AIDS. Not exactly marriage material.

As a consequence, almost a third of all black families are headed by single women with no fathers present.

Rogers, 27, lived in one these homes.

He grew up without a father and met his dad at a funeral for a relative.

"We struggle to have a relationship," said Rogers, of Lawrence-ville, "but there's nothing really there. I don't even know what to call him."

Never married, Rogers has three children by two women.

At first, he thought he was a good father. He used his drug earnings to lavish gifts on his oldest daughter, Mikaila, now 9. He gave everything but time.

Just like his father, he was absent.

Later, Rogers had a change of heart. He got connected to the Father's Program at Hill House, which provides a curriculum of support to help build fatherhood responsibilities.

Now, with his sons, Mike and Malik, ages 5 and 2, Rogers has made the decision to be more involved.

Earl Ofari Hutchinson, a Los Angeles author who writes and speaks on issues concerning black malehood, says such commitment can make a big difference.

"When black men aren't involved it's devastating on families," Hutchinson said. The emotional, social and economic rupture means "the black family will continually be destabilized."

Young men without fathers or strong male mentors are more likely to end up in the criminal justice system and young women without the love and guidance of a father are more likely to be teen moms.

After being a student in the Fathers Program, Rogers now helps to run it. The program is the kind of mentoring, grass-roots effort that Hutchinson would like to see more of.

As more children have grown up in female-headed households, the roles in relationships have shifted, Hutchinson said.

In a society where many black men don't have steady, let alone professional, jobs, he added, many black women judge them as being less than worthy partners.

"No romance without finance," is a common refrain among singles today, Rogers said.

"Money is important," he added, "but I think there are other things, like helping to guide children, that are important, too."

"Everybody can't live up to society's standards," Hutchinson said, "but everybody can make a contribution."