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Holiday cheer is found in freedom from check marks

Wednesday, December 19, 2001

By Mary Kate MacKenzie

The holidays -- yes, they're coming to town. But isn't it sad that most of us can't anticipate this special season, celebrating family and religious traditions, without losing sleep over holiday lists?

	Stacy Innerst, Post-Gazette

All lists cause stress, but holiday lists, well.... There's the gift list, the guest list, the special food list and holiday card list, just to name a few. How did this holiday list mania start? Was it Santa and the "naughty and nice" list? Maybe lists, at this time of year, are supposed to be finished only by a roster of elves.

When I think back, lists have made me feel good or bad most of my life. I don't care what time of year -- lists have been a yardstick of my self-worth. Whether it was a "to do" list at work or school, a shopping list or a New Year's resolution list, I have measured my personal success by the check marks on a list. I'm so insecure that sometimes I start my list with a few items that I completed earlier, just so I can check them off.

Here are a few reasons why I should abandon a holiday list.

1. Lists nag me.

2. Lists limit me.

3. Lists rush me.

Lists also can make me sick; I either become paralyzed or suffer a gnawing, queasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. As if physical pain wasn't enough, this cacophony of "shoulds" messes with my head as well ... should bake, should make gifts, should volunteer, should entertain, should join a convent!

According to experts, the need for therapy rises just before the holidays (the highest list-making time of year) and continues until after Valentine's Day. Could this be an unlabeled disorder? I think I'll search the Web for the Post-List syndrome, because panic will set in as my holiday list gets longer and creative enthusiasm abandons me. I know because each year I resort more and more to codependent habits such as:

1. Fast food meals.

2. Prepackaged cookies.

3. Mall gift certificates.

Yes, anxieties fly higher than the rooftops at holiday time even without lists. My distraught neighbor called crying at 11 p.m. one Christmas Eve because the portico of her 10-room gingerbread house had just collapsed.

"Do you have any spackle?" she pleaded.

"Are you kidding? What about when the kids want to eat it?" I gasped.

"I don't care what it tastes like," she screamed, "it just needs to look good!"

It is a shame, but obligations and expectations, strung on a list, tie us up in knots just like an old box of Christmas tree lights. How do you unsnarl:

1. Child's happiness vs. the credit card limit?

2. Spiritual values vs. holiday hype?

3. Holiday homemaking vs. the constraints of time?

The holidays are only a few weeks long, and somehow I have to fulfill my children's dreams on overextended credit while creating a Martha Stewart-like home to delight all my loved ones -- at the same time, making sure I haven't compromised the true meaning of this blessed holiday.

I confess, at other times of year lists have been helpful. My long lists offered options to choose from. My short lists gave me hope that in just a few steps I could reach my goal. But, holiday lists take on a life of their own and drag me through the weeks between Thanksgiving and New Year's. I'm usually breathless by January and completely out of antacids. Is this what the holidays are about?

I know it's a risk, but this year I am going listless. A simple meaningful celebration with the people I love is all I will plan to celebrate this holiday. Instead of counting Snickerdoodles for every neighborhood cookie exchange, I will fill the holidays with the people who count in my life. I don't think it matters to them if my house is clean, all the fudge is made, or every outdoor bush has lights. Most importantly, my gift to loved ones will come wrapped in my sanity and good cheer. Peace and joy can't be found at the mall.

The good news is, there is still time for us to save ourselves, our families and our sanity, too. Take a deep breath, toss your list and hold on -- you might find a happy holiday under the tree!

Mary Kate MacKenzie is a free-lance writer for PG North who lives in Wexford. E-mail her at MAC4OFUS@aol.com.