 
|
|||||||||||||||||
              
|
Is 'cybersex' addictive? A new book says yes.
Tuesday, August 14, 2001 By Christopher Snowbeck, Post-Gazette Staff Writer
Millions of people look at pornography on the Internet, but when does online exploration of sexuality become a problem worthy of a 12-step self-help book?
A new book, "In the Shadows of the Net: Breaking Free of Compulsive Online Sexual Behavior" (Hazelden, $21.95) by a Duquesne University professor asks cybersex enthusiasts to consider whether their behavior is an uncontrollable compulsion.
"The majority of the population can engage in cybersex without any consequences or problems in their life," said David L. Delmonico, the author. "But this book is about when people feel their lives are being destroyed as a result of their behavior."
Some sex therapists, however, are concerned that Delmonico's approach of treating cybersex as an addiction is inappropriate.
"My objection is that when sex is put into the same pot as other addictions, it only intensifies the idea that sex is a negative, and I think we've done that for too long in our society," said Catherine Ravella, an Uptown therapist. "To me, an addiction really has a physiological basis."
Delmonico and co-authors Patrick Carnes and Elizabeth Griffin say there are three hallmarks of a cybersex problem: inability to choose freely whether to stop the behavior; continuing the behavior despite adverse consequences; and a relentless preoccupation with cybersex.
To illustrate the three characteristics, the book recounts the story of Sean, the name used for a man who harbored an unfulfilled fantasy to visit strip clubs.
When Sean learned he could visit strip clubs online, he would stay up late to do so after family members went to bed. Sean tried to put limits on his Internet use, but couldn't stick to them and even started looking at pornography on his work computer.
In time, Sean's wife caught him masturbating at his computer. Sean apologized and promised it wouldn't happen again, but he simply shifted his cybersex life to the office. Soon, a company memo was circulated warning employees that their Internet use was being monitored. Sean rationalized that it wouldn't be a problem if he looked at pornography on his company computer before work hours and during his lunch break.
In one way or another, Sean was always thinking about cybersex -- either spending time online, coming down from a visit or plotting his next trip to the online strip club. The plotting got a bit sinister. Sean observed that whenever he and his wife had wine with dinner, she would go to bed earlier than usual and sleep soundly.
"So, I fabricated a story about how I had decided we ought to try some better wines and have them with dinner more regularly," Sean is quoted as saying in the book. "Looking back, I'm embarrassed to say that I was proud of myself for coming up with this idea and actually carrying it out."
Sean's story features his flirtations with disaster, but others in the book describe everything from criminal behavior to Internet liaisons that lead to adultery and sexual abuse.
Delmonico estimates that about 9 million people have problems related to online sex and another 15 million are at risk of developing significant problems.
Those numbers come from a 2000 survey that found nearly 92 percent of people who go online for sexual pursuits spend fewer than 11 hours per week doing so, suggesting that most people are very capable of limiting their online sexual pursuits to reasonable levels. But hours spent online isn't the only factor to consider when analyzing a person's behavior, Delmonico said.
"The number is an aspect, but the number alone isn't the definition of the problem," he said noting, though, that people who spend more than 11 hours per week pursuing sex on the Internet report more problems with the behavior than less-frequent users.
Delmonico is familiar with critics who argue that cybersex can't be an addiction because people aren't ingesting a substance, such as cocaine or alcohol. He counters that heroin addicts, for example, respond not just to the drug, but also the process of preparing for and reacting to the drug.
Brain imaging studies, Delmonico predicts, could show how these "process addictions" such as cybersex prompt physiological changes.
Shirley Kurtz, a therapist at Cognitive Dynamic Therapy Associates in Oakland, doesn't need brain scans to make her argument for why cybersex is an addiction: "Addiction is something you're dependent on and you're physically dependent if you need to masturbate in front of the computer."
Kurtz has treated a handful of patients she considers cybersex addicts. The core issues tend to be loneliness and a sense that needs aren't being met in a marriage.
"The men are locking themselves in the computer room and ignoring their lives," she said. "The wife is usually the initiator in coming in for marriage counseling."
The book authors say that of the estimated 16 percent of cybersex users who have problems with the habit, many are lifelong sexual compulsives who fixated on other pornographic media before the Internet.
But like Sean, others have problems that would have remained dormant without the easy access to sexually explicit material provided by computers. Internet pornography is not only more anonymous than the store-bought variety, it also comes in a more addictive format because it is interactive, inexpensive and intoxicating, Delmonico said.
"No matter what our interests may be, we can easily and quickly find information about them on the Net," the authors write in a companion workbook. "This immediate access plays directly into our society's demand to have desires gratified instantly. ... The Internet's ease of use further adds to its seductive and intoxicating nature."
Ravella, the Uptown sex therapist, knows some Internet pornography users could benefit from a 12-step approach to kicking the habit. But in general, she thinks the concerns aboutcybersex addictions are overblown.
"I think it does a disservice to people who have addictions and also people who are struggling with their sexuality," she said. "Maybe some of the people that are accusing themselves of using the Internet are not addicted at all, in any sense. What they're doing is looking for information that they've never really had an opportunity to get before."
The workbook that accompanies the new book on cybersex addictions helps people first tackle their cybersex behavior by doing things like taking the computer out of the basement and not using it after 11 p.m. Then the workbook helps users make "second order changes," which are the underlying drivers of the Internet use.
To Ravella, the focus on the Internet use puts the cart before the horse.
"Sometimes the person spending a lot of time on the Internet is doing it to avoid a relationship issue," she said. "Maybe the way to treat this is not a 12-step method, but to deal with the issues in the relationship."
|
||||||||||||||||
