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Tuesday, June 06, 2000
SUVs -- an acronym which some say stands for Sport Utility Vehicles but you and I know as Suburban Universal Vehicles -- have been in the news lately. Not surprisingly, these reports have not been good.
The publicity was largely negative even before the Ford Motor Co. issued a "corporate citizenship report" in which it said that the large vehicles were more dangerous and environmentally damaging than regular cars, but, hey, they would keep building them because they were profitable.
This commendably frank response was pooh-poohed by the usual suspects. Just last Thursday on this page a Sewickley woman -- who is a Honda Accord driver in shocking defiance of local ordinances that require station wagons with Labradors in the back at the very least -- summed up the prevailing sentiment:
"Huge SUVs are for losers. They are overbearing, overpriced vehicles for mindless, crowd-following wannabes who lack common sense and who think it's OK to emit tons of nasty smog and afflict more innocent children with asthmatic attacks, not to mention killing people in anything that weighs less than 50 tons."
I just hate it when people won't come out and say what they mean.
Still, as a Sewickley resident myself who owns an SUV and is well known as a mindless loser and as a crowd-following wannabe lacking common sense, I must respond to hurtful stereotypes.
Of course, nobody wants to harm innocent children, kill people or emit smog, but, innocent children, how do we say "exaggeration"?
The fact is there is a responsible case to be made for driving SUVs. It can be summed up in three words: "This is America."
Americans like things big. Ours is a big country with a big-hearted people full of big dreams. The love of bigness, whether we are talking buildings, bosoms, meals or vehicles, is as American as apple pie.
It may be natural for your English persons or Italians to squeeze themselves into Mini-Minors or toy-sized Fiats, but an American in his own land must have room to expand behind the wheel if he or she is to visit giant shopping malls and stop for lunch at large all-you-can-eat buffets.
(By the way, I was in Italy last week. It is a wonderful country where people mostly drive tiny cars. It also has a big smog problem, which, alas for the general theory, can't be blamed on SUVs.)
American culture was forged by the experience of westward expansion, when a grand frontier beckoned big heroes such as John Wayne. The automobile is the linear descendant of the horse, promising freedom and excitement (it is no coincidence that we speak of horsepower to measure the auto's strength, and not goat power or gerbil power).
Do you think John Wayne would drive a Honda Accord? Pilgrim, the question answers itself.
Another thing Americans have is a big sense of concern for their children. Often I will say to my teen-age son, "Jim, it might rain tonight, so why don't you put on a nice suit of armor?"
When he drives, I prefer he take the SUV because it offers a big chunk o' metal around him. This may be false security -- statistics suggest that SUVs are actually not too safe -- but it seems a better bet than any smallish product from Japan, the nation that invented ritual disembowelment.
Anyway, the idea that big SUV drivers are irresponsible because they might injure, say, Honda Accord drivers in a collision is -- how can I put this charitably? -- completely nuts.
For one thing, SUV drivers are not seeking collisions. We seek only to protect ourselves. We really hate it when the wreckage of Honda Accords gets all tangled up in our fenders.
But what happens when a Honda Accord collides with the smaller Honda Civic? Why, I bet the Honda Civic comes off the worse, so logically no car on the road should be bigger than a Honda Civic.
But wait! Bicycles are environmentally correct but do not do well when hit by cars, small or otherwise. So, it follows, we must all ride bicycles to be guilt-free.
Go right ahead. As for me, I'll wave to you mindlessly from my SUV like a patriotic American.
Reg Henry's e-mail address is rhenry@post-gazette.com.