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Wednesday, March 01, 2000
By Samantha Bennett, Post-Gazette Staff Writer
You knew I would have to weigh in on this "Multi-Millionaire" fiasco sooner or later, didn't you? Yeah, well. I'm nothing if not reliable.
First, Fox's concept for this show is not a new one. I refer you to the works of Gilbert and Sullivan.
For example, in "The Pirates of Penzance," fetching leading man Frederic discovers a bevy of unknown ladies and pleads "is there not one maiden here" who will marry him -- and one says she will.
Another show, "Patience," includes an actual lottery, with 20 "Rapturous Maidens" vying for the hand of Reginald Bunthorne, who, despite being a poet, is well-off enough to own his own castle.
The term for these entertainments is COMIC OPERA. People in real life are not supposed to behave this way, any more than they are supposed to burst into song.
The Fox show indulged our oldest and worst stereotypes about both sexes: Men want women for their beauty; women want men for their wealth.
One woman is as good as another as long as she's pretty; one man is as good as another as long as he's rich. Do we really still believe this? Are there still women who honestly think it would be more fun to marry a millionaire than to be one?
In a way, I'm sorry the future versions of this show were canceled. Fox said it was planning a gender reversal, and I was really looking forward to seeing a 40ish woman behind a screen choosing from a chorus line of grinning boy-toys in Speedos. (Note: If this sounds any more ridiculous to you than the original idea, you may not be as egalitarian as you think.)
But there won't be any more. It was a PR disaster.
After this orgy of foolishness, we are faced with a husband and wife expressing incredulity that things have turned out so badly. Geez, and they were off to such a terrific start!
Here's my question, for Rick Rockwell, Darva Conger and the brain trust at Fox: WHAT DID YOU THINK WAS GOING TO HAPPEN?
We have a guy who is probably not a total jerk, but like many men he is dangerously romantic.
Women always take the rap for being romantic idiots because we like sad movies and Valentine's Day. But men can be much worse.
They believe in love at first sight. And that the "right one," when she comes along, will be perfect. More than once, I have actually heard a man say, "If you have to work at a relationship, then it just isn't the right one." (Women have a reciprocal pathology in which they cling to men who are as good for them as a rat-poison highball.)
Rick Rockwell is apparently a poster boy for this fairy-tale disorder -- he said on "Dateline" that he "really had a romantic ideal" in mind and thought that amid the swimsuit parade and the brief interviews, there would be some magical flicker of connection, and he would just know which woman was The One.
Sadly, this guy is in his 40s and has the maturity of a teen-ager.
Even more sadly, any woman will tell you this is not uncommon, with or without a restraining order as documentation.
But what about Darva? "I don't think I was thinking clearly," she said. I don't think she was thinking at all.
Here is a woman who was shocked and dismayed that a man would kiss her after they had exchanged marriage vows. Who was horrified that anyone might think she'd slept with her husband on their honeymoon -- "I would never consider having sexual relations with anyone I just met."
Oh no, she wouldn't have sex with a stranger. But she'd marry one!
There's something deeply wrong with taking marriage so lightly.
Maybe the divorce rate is so high because a lot of couples are, in important ways, strangers when they depart for their honeymoon. Maybe we want to see our spouses as some kind of snake oil that will cure whatever ails us and make us feel good all the time. Nobody can do that. It's selfish to ask.
Of course, Rick and Darva don't have to stay married. No one does. Do couples still say, "Till death do us part"? Do they mean it, or does everyone keep an eye on the exit?
Not that I'm against divorce. No one should have to stay in a bad marriage. People change, they grow or fail to grow, and relationships sour.
But the whole point of getting married, as I understand it, is to say to each other, before your God and assembled guests and videographers, that you are going to do your damnedest to stick together because you love and value and believe in one another.
How did we get to "Who Wants to Marry A Multi-Millionaire?" Have our expectations of marriage become too high? Or too low?
Samantha Bennett can be reached by e-mail at: sbennett@post-gazette.com