Pittsburgh v. Indy
Can you think of any reason to hate the city of Indianapolis? Neither can we.
It seems so inoffensively midwestern. Wholesome. Cute, even. Same goes for the football team. And The Morning File just loves Peyton Manning in that commercial where he asks the supermarket stock boy to autograph a cantaloupe. So for the second week in a row, the Steelers face a playoff opponent that engenders little of the froth-mouthed rage that makes our rivalry with the Cleve Brownies so entertaining. In that void, maybe we can manufacture a little competitive spirit by pitting Pittsburgh and Naptown against each other in one of those unscientific, arbitrary and largely purposeless checklist tests.
Name
Indiana means "land of Indians." "Polis" is the Greek word for city. Thus, Indianapolis means "the city of the land of Indians," or something. Pittsburgh was named for William Pitt, an English diplomat and a splendid orator. He also had the gout pretty bad. "Burgh" means fortress or castle, if you trace it back to its various Germanic and Old English origins.
EDGE: Pittsburgh, despite the gout.
Singles life
If Forbes magazine is to be trusted, Indianapolis is an even bigger pit for singles than Pittsburgh. In 2005, the release of Forbes.com's annual roundup of best cities for swinging singles saw Pittsburgh climb out of the basement after being in last place -- 40th out of 40 cities -- for as long as anyone can remember (sounds like a certain professional baseball team we know). In 2005, Pittsburgh finished 29th out of the 40 ranked metro areas, while Indianapolis was in 34th place.
EDGE: Pittsburgh, but we demand a recount.
Civil rights
Pittsburgh was a stop on the Underground Railroad, bringing former slaves through the North, while the Pittsburgh Courier was a leading voice in the early civil rights movement and, at one point, was the most widely circulated black newspaper in the country. In Indianapolis, Robert F. Kennedy gave his famed racial harmony speech, notable because it came hours after Martin Luther King Jr. had been shot, on April 4, 1968. For people who heard the speech first-hand, it was one of those life-changing moments, on par with the Apollo moon landing or, you know, the O.J. chase. Riots broke out in cities across the U.S. that day, but not in Indianapolis, thanks to RFK. (We'll let it slide that Indianapolis became headquarters for the Ku Klux Klan in the early 1920s.)
EDGE: Indianapolis.
Noise
They say it's loud in Indianapolis' RCA Dome, home to the Colts. How loud? A fifth-grade teacher named John Koke wanted to know for sure, so he brought a sound reader from the Smoky Row Elementary School, says the Indianapolis Star. The result? Mr. Koke was fired for stealing school equipment. No, just kidding. What happened was, he found out that during the November Monday night game against Pittsburgh, the noise level fluctuated between 72 decibels (when the Colts offense was at work) and 108 decibels (during that 80-yard, Peyton Manning-to-Marvin Harrison touchdown pass that we'd all like to forget). When the Steelers were on offense, playing as if there was a cash award for Most False Starts, the decibel level was around 104, roughly equivalent to holding a snowblower to your ear. If Heinz Field was as noisy as the RCA Dome, the folks from Allegheny West would have certainly sued by now.
EDGE: INDIANAPOLIS!!
Local government
Indianapolis has Unigov, the state law that allowed Indianapolis to essentially absorb the surrounding Marion County. Pittsburgh, meanwhile, continues to shrink, and today the main function of our local government is avoiding bankruptcy and federal indictments.
EDGE: Indianapolis.
Skyline view
Pittsburgh has Mt. Washington, the West End Overlook and any number of lovely spots that are lesser-known or harder to get to -- Fineview, the South Side Slopes, certain spots on the North Side. You can get a nice view of the Indianapolis skyline from the city's Canal Walk, part of its interior White River State Park.
EDGE: Pittsburgh, in landslide.
Sandwiches
If you're in Indy for the weekend, stop at the downtown Shapiro's Delicatessen, where they pile the corned beef and hot pastrami nice and high. One reviewer said this: "When a fire caused this longtime institution to be closed for a few months, regulars went around as if their best friend had departed." Touching, but our hearts are still with Pittsburgh, with its gut-busting Primanti Bros. sandwiches. Not to mention the Headwich creations at Fat Head's, named by lad mag Maxim as one of the best sandwiches in the country
EDGE: Pittsburgh. Yummy.
Before you die
Never been to the Indianapolis Motor Speedway, home to the self-proclaimed greatest spectacle in racing? You ought to. So says msn.com, in its list of "Things to do Before You Die." The speedway visit ranked No. 9 on a list of 390. Pittsburgh, conversely, is where people come to die.
EDGE: Indianapolis. Zoom, zoom.
Music scene
Esquire magazine, possibly drunk at the time, named Pittsburgh the best city for rock music in 2004. Its "Cities that Rock" listing put Pittsburgh ahead of Denver, San Francisco, Phoenix, New Orleans even. (New York, Los Angeles, Chicago and Austin, Texas, were forced to sit this one out, because the Esquire writer was tired of hearing about them.) Esquire is a bit short on recording industry cred -- imagine Popular Mechanics ranking, say, the top cigar brands -- but hey, we'll take what we can get. Indianapolis didn't make the cut, although we've heard good things about the venerable Melody Inn.
EDGE: Pittsburgh rawks.
Final score
Pittsburgh comes from behind to win it, 5-4. If the big game plays out similarly, we'll all be happy.
First Published: January 13, 2006, 5:00 a.m.
