Police cover-up
Stacy Innerst, Post-GazetteClick photo for larger image.
We've all seen countless people who should be required by law to get rid of their tattoos or at least cover them up, but this is America. Now comes word that, for professional reasons, Houston police officers will have to remove their tattoos or wear long-sleeved shirts and long pants year-round to hide them. And covering the tattoos with bandages or sweatbands won't cut it, according to the Houston Chronicle. To no one's surprise, the order, which takes effect Jan. 1, is not going over well. "Some of these people were hired with tattoos," police union President Hans Marticiuc said, "and now you're springing this stuff on them."
Who doesn't have one?
A show of hands please of all those who have tattoos . . . OK, that's fine, stop right there. No need to show them, thanks very much. That includes you, Sister Mary Infuriata. As we scan the country, we see about one in every seven Americans admitting to at least one tattoo, which has long since gone mainstream suburban and is a staple of Girls' Night Out: Middle-Class Housewives Gone Wild.
Here's Michael Gove of the Times of London: "A generation ago the tattoo was the badge of membership of a distinctive set of tribes. Merchant seamen, Hell's Angels, rock chicks and rebels sported them. The respectable middle classes would no more have strayed into a tattoo parlor than they would have let their garage become a crack house. But now you can't visit a village fete, down a swift one in a country pub or pop by a bourgeois barbecue without seeing a hint, and sometimes more than that, of delicate tracery peeping through summer clothing. Tax inspectors, lawyers, lecturers, even distinguished Times columnists, are all proudly tattooed."
But it says 'Forever'
Some tattooed Houston police officers will have to undergo laser removal, which can take months and is expensive, the Chronicle reports -- usually six to eight treatments, a month apart, at a cost of several hundred dollars per treatment. So, you young people out there, think this through. You might want to become a Houston cop some day. And, you mid-life crisis guys, do you really want to shuffle around the nursing home with "Born to Rock" sagging on your arms?
Pig tattoos
Let's hope the trick-or-treaters who run China don't get wind of this, but in a village outside Beijing, there's a Belgian guy tattooing pigs. His name is Wim Delvoye, and all will become clear when we explain that he is an artist. We're not sure this qualifies as ethical treatment of animals, but collectors can buy the pigs live and pay for their keep or simply purchase their tattooed skins as art work after the pigs pass on. "Tattoos remind you of death," Delvoye told Reuters. "It's leaving something permanent on something non-permanent." Easy for Wim to say; the pigs could not be reached for comment. The tattoos? The usual: mermaids and roses, cherubs bearing crimson hearts, Lenin's head and, in a homage to China's rampant piracy of things Western, the trademarked pattern of French luxury brand Louis Vuitton. T-t-t-t-hat's not all, folks, unfortunately. For his next project, Delvoye plans to tap China's mighty factories to have 5,000 anatomically correct, Barbie-like dolls, uh, in his likeness.
Backward thinking
From the Glasgow Herald in Scotland: A court social worker interviewing young offenders encountered one with "MAT" across his forehead in blue ink, obviously the work of the lad himself. "So Mat, let's just find your file," she said, shuffling through the documents for Matthew or Mathews. The troubled youth looked up, scowled and said: "The name's Tam."
Edinburgh tattoo I
Passage about a character who is an Edinburgh-born organist, from John Irving's new novel, "Until I Find You": "The tattoo gripped his right thigh, where William could read it when he was sitting on the toilet -- the opening notes to an Easter hymn he'd been rehearsing with Alice, the words to which began, 'Christ the Lord is risen today.' Without the words, you'd have to read music and be sitting very close to [him] -- perhaps on an adjacent toilet -- to recognize the hymn. But then and there, upon giving the talented young organist his first tattoo, Alice's dad told her that William would surely become an 'ink addict,' a 'collector' -- meaning he was one of those guys who would never stop with the first tattoo or with the first 20 tattoos. He would go on getting tattooed, until his body was a sheet of music and every inch of his skin was covered by a note -- a dire prediction but one that failed to warn Alice away. The tattoo-crazy organist had already stolen her heart."
Edinburgh tattoo II
Every August, thousands of people descend on the Scottish capital for the Edinburgh Tattoo, which is not a giant bit of artwork etched on the body politic but a military drumming performance -- another meaning of tattoo. This year's event runs from Aug. 5 to 27 and will have a strong naval theme, including a projection onto Edinburgh Castle of scenes from the Battle of Trafalgar as part of a 200th anniversary re-enactment of the event. An estimated 217,000 visitors, who had bought the tickets in record time by March 31, are expected. And doubtless many at the tattoo will be wearing tattoos.
First Published: July 29, 2005, 4:00 a.m.
