DEAR CAT: The guy I'm dating hasn't yet asked me for Valentine's Day plans. Things are going great but we talk only a couple of times a week and I'm wondering what to say if he does ask me at this point. Would it mean he tried to make other plans but they fell through? Will I look like I couldn't get another date if I say yes? It's hard to know how to handle this because if he doesn't ask me to get together I'll be really disappointed (and assume he's getting together with someone else) but if he does ask me I'll be excited but feel pressure to not show it, so he doesn't get scared off. Please help me get a little perspective here! -- TRYING TO GET A GRIP
Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
34 Blvd. of the Allies
Pittsburgh, Pa. 15222
DEAR GRIP: Cool your jets and take a breath. Whether Valentine's Day is ultra romantic, exciting or casual, above all it should be fun, and you're taking all the fun out of it! In a casual relationship it's not unusual to make plans only a few days before the holiday. Is that frustrating? Yes, but very common. Some guys worry that making V-Day plans will send a "love" message instead of a "let's have fun" message. If or when he asks you for plans, it's OK to be openly happy. Don't scream and freak out, but a nice, "Yes, I'd love to have to dinner with you," is definitely warranted. If he's a gentleman he will ask you at least a few days beforehand. If he is ungentlemanly enough to wait until Valentine's Day itself ...
Cat's Call: Tell him you already have plans.
DEAR CAT: Imagine this ... Someone close to you (not a relative) gives you a very expensive leather purse as a gift. You open it and gasp. Not because it's so beautiful but because the smell of the leather has literally taken you're breath away. I do love the purse but I'm allergic to the smell of leather. I can't keep this, the smell will permeate the whole house. I am in daily contact with her and how do I respond when she asks why I am not using it? When someone gives you an expensive gift, can you simply say, "I love it," and throw it in the Goodwill box? I say tell the truth. My husband says be gracious, say "Thank you, I love it," then throw it away. Your call? -- I LOVE IT, I LOVE IT NOT
DEAR LOVE: Your response to smelly leather mirrors my reaction to fennel, yet I've smiled through many fennel-laden meals. No matter how expensive the gift, you should always be appreciative and say how much you love it. As for what you do with the gift, that's up to you. The smell might be noxious to you but someone else might not even notice. Don't toss it in the trash because there is always someone who can use it (hence your Goodwill idea). If she asks, don't bother with the truth because she'll feel terrible. Just say you've enjoyed using it and the subject will disappear. Honesty is great but in this case ...
Cat's Call: You'd honestly hurt her feelings.
First Published: February 9, 2010, 5:00 a.m.
