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Techman: He's jaded and makin' a list but not expectin' much

Techman: He's jaded and makin' a list but not expectin' much

Every year TechMan makes an extensive and detailed list for Santa Claus, and every year TechMan receives not one of the gifts delineated there.

Some people say TechMan bears a passing resemblance to the old chimney invader himself and has used that resemblance to gain a few free rounds of Christmas cheer. But TechMan was pretty sure the old bag man didn't know about that.

Anyway, since TechMan doesn't have to worry about actually getting anything on his list, price is no object.

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So here's TechMan's Christmas list:

• I'm so excited about the little Asus Eee PC with flash memory, camera and Linux. Yes, the 7-inch screen is small and the keyboard takes some getting used to, but for $399, old cherry-nose could get me two.

• With a 3.2-inch color screen, wireless capability, FM radio and that funky "squircle" shaped navigation button, Microsoft's second try at an MP3 player is a win. What's $250 for the 80 GB Zune to someone who owns the North Pole real estate you do, you old soot-face?

• For the iPod, TechMan needs a way to listen without those pesky earbuds. The Tivoli Audio iYiYi high-fidelity stereo speaker system for iPod at $299 would do, but if you're feeling generous, you old reindeer musher, the Bose SoundDock Portable Music Pack for $549 would be even better. And a set of GradoSR-60 headphones for $70 would be a lot better than the earphones I have now that sound like two tin cans with waxed string.

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• TechMan had the Sony Reader electronic book on his list last year. Of course, he didn't get one. The Amazon.com Kindle is better, and for only $399 has wireless. Best sellers cost only $10 at Amazon.com.

• TechMan's eyes aren't what they used to be. You should know what that's like, Claus, since you must be older than snow. A nice big Dell UltraSharp 3007WFP-HC 30-inch Widescreen Flat Panel LCD Monitor with Height Adjustable Stand for only $1,189 sure would help. And while you're at it, a 58-inch Panasonic 1080p TH58p2750U high-definition TV at $5,000 also would make things much clearer.

• With all those great Mitch Miller LPs sitting in his closet, TechMan sure could use a USB turntable to convert them to MP3s easily. The Ion iTT costs around 100 bucks, but you might as well be generous with my gift, which I'll never see no matter how many tiny reindeer damage my shingles, and go for the Numark TTUSB, which lists at $300. But you can probably get it a lot cheaper since you buy in bulk.

And finally, since the chance of any of these things showing up under my tree is about as good as a cheese ball surviving on a holiday buffet table, I'm going for broke.

A Bentley Continental GTC convertible has a top speed of 195 mph and is a steal at only $190,000. Oh, don't forget the eight-speaker RDS audio system with satellite, disc autochanger and six-disc remote changer. Beluga solid black would be a good color.

That brings the total to just under $200,000.

So this year, Santa, quit standing around laying your finger aside of your nose and show me the booty.

First Published: December 8, 2007, 5:00 a.m.

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