Economic downturn, necessity lead to more multi-generation households in suburbs
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Belinda Aquino holds a photo taken in 2010 of her daughter, Brittany, 23, who died in a fire in 2011. In that picture, Brittany is holding her children -- Ms. Aquino's grandchildren -- Gracie and Renny, who now live with their grandmother in O'Hara. -
The Aquino family, from left: Renny Salac, 3, Belinda Aquino, Tyler Jennings, 6, and his mom, Keri Aquino, holding her niece, Gracie Salac, 2.
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It's hard to tell what child or creature may greet you at Belinda Aquino's door.
On this day, it's Ms. Aquino herself who glides from room to room, hollering over the commotion. Two toddlers plod over to show off model clay creations to a visitor. The dog moves in for a sniff.
The street outside this suburban home is calm and dark. Christmas lights still draped on the tiny porch blink a warm welcome. It's a place you'd feel comfortable walking into.
Ms. Aquino lives in this O'Hara residence with her daughter, Keri; Keri's 6-year-old son, Tyler; and toddlers Gracie and Renny, the children of Ms. Aquino's other daughter, Brittany.
This three-generation home is frenetic but happy, a product of tragedy held together by a strong matriarch who says talking is her therapy.
"I have to keep it together for the kids," Ms. Aquino, 51, said.
In April, Belinda Aquino's Sharpsburg home caught fire, killing Brittany and her boyfriend, who were sharing an attic bedroom. The 23-year-old had been living there with her children for two years, studying veterinary technology at Sanford-Brown Institute. Ms. Aquino described her as a wonderful mother, animated, complicated and talkative.
Spared, the two children were with their father and are too young to understand what happened. All 3-year-old Renny knows is that Mommy is in heaven now.
"She's an angel," he said.
"Everything has a shadow, but then you look at them and it's so sweet," Ms. Aquino said of the two children.
When Keri Aquino's June visit turned into a permanent move, two generations suddenly became three again, this time in the house Belinda is renting while her home is repaired.
Even with her other daughter around now, Belinda Aquino, a native of Rural Ridge and U.S. Air Force veteran, assumes a tremendous responsibility. To pick up the kids from day care on time, she has to make sure she closes shop by 5:30 p.m. at her company, Hotpak Huggies, which creates therapeutic stuffed animals for children and adults.
When they get home, her day isn't over. There's dinner to make and diapers to change and it's essentially like raising her four kids again.
"They're like little tornadoes," she said.
Of course she misses her daughter, their shopping excursions and long talks. But there were challenges then, too. The space was small and, in at least one big case, what they valued was different, Belinda Aquino said. Belinda treasures her independence but her daughter couldn't always make it on her own.
A welcome addition, Keri Aquino, 29, is also much different: quiet, introverted and craving independence.
It's her faith in God and the support of an ex-boyfriend that helped her cope this year, Belinda Aquino said.
"I was always looking for the day when I could have some freedom," she said, returning to the word "bittersweet" to describe her living situation. "It just comes at me from every direction."
About 5 million households in Pennsylvania had three or more generations living under the same roof in 2010, according to Census Bureau figures released last year -- a 5 percent increase from 2000.
The Census found 16,215 multi-generation households in the 10-county region: Allegheny, Armstrong, Beaver, Butler, Fayette, Greene, Indiana, Lawrence, Washington and Westmoreland counties.
The economic decline has forced many young people, unable to find work after college or change jobs successfully, to return to the family nest, said Sally Newman, director emerita of the University of Pittsburgh's Generations Together, an intergenerational studies program.
At the other end of the spectrum, she added, older people seeking independence and planning to settle with their mates often find their coffers empty when their mate dies, causing them to move in with their adult children.
"They both seem to be a function of the economic downturn, which is universal in this country," she said.
Additionally, Allegheny County remains near the top in concentration of individuals older than 60 in the country, which could account for the increase in multi-generation homes here.
"More and more people in my generation are having to move with their younger children in their 50s and 60s," added Ms. Newman, 82.
These living situations, however, don't always stem from hardship.
For the Aqra family in Penn Hills, the decision was so effortless, family members actually sought space for one more when house hunting.
Two years ago this May, Rebecca, a massage therapist, and Al, a restaurant owner and translator/interpreter, were looking to purchase a home around the same time Ms. Aqra's family was considering the next step for her grandmother, who suffers from Parkinson's disease and can no longer drive.
The couple, both 30, discussed inviting Arnetta Cheuvront, 80, to live with them and their two children, Zane, 4, and Zara, 3.
Even as friends cautioned the young parents, they didn't hesitate. Mr. Aqra, who is Palestinian and grew up in the Middle East, said he's used to family members living together or nearby and spending lots of time together.
"If you don't look after your elders, who's going to look after you?" he said.
Ms. Aqra beams recalling how warmly her husband took to the idea.
"I'm proud that we did it by choice and not by necessity," she said.
Over dinner in their modest, charming dining room, the family talked over a roast, potatoes and brussel sprouts about "Grammy Side"-the home's existing mother-in-law suite they fashioned into a living area.
It's clear Ms. Cheuvront is thankful for this ample space. The Parkinson's sometimes causes her words to come out slowly, but she speaks deliberately.
"They treat me like a queen," she said.
Ms. Cheuvront ushered in the guest for a tour of her living room, bedroom and bathroom. She even has her own kitchen, which came in handy when the family hosted Thanksgiving this year -- or when the young couple is out of milk.
Ms. Cheuvront concedes she misses her friends in Beaver County. She's been back to see them only once, but they occasionally come to visit her. She sometimes wonders if she's intruding here. But this family is genuine -- with them, "what you see is what you get," she said.
The kids keep her on her toes, too. Ever organized, Ms. Cheuvront, has to let her guard down to allow them to romp around. Still, they know Grammy Side means Grammy's rules, too.
"They are told they have to listen to me," she said.
Gathered around the dinner table for coffee and banana bread, the setting is so warm and convivial, it seems impossible this family is capable of conflict.
Then something scurries across the room into Grammy Side and they're out with it: Ms. Cheuvront isn't a fan of the family cat.
The three generations in the Conover household in Mt. Lebanon share a love for cooking and tradition.
For Christmas this year, Noelle Conover created a cookbook online, using recipes collected from her father, Nat Calabro, 89, who moved in almost four years ago. Mr. Calabro helps shop for groceries and often cooks classic Italian dishes from his native country. There were so many favorites, Ms. Conover, 52, thought, why not compile them?
"When I sat down and interviewed him, we had 75 recipes," she said.
They collected as many memories as they did recipes. Leafing through the cookbook, each one includes a story about why it's special.
With all that cooking, it came as no surprise when daughter Anna, 12, announced she wanted to be a pastry chef.
The family has also traveled throughout Italy, where Mr. Calabro grew up and once owned his own newspaper.
"This is a close family, I'll tell you," he said.
As Ms. Conover and husband David cared for their 12-year-old son Matthew, who died in 2002 from non-Hodgkin's lymphoma, Mr. Calabro was often at the Conover home, taking care of the family's three other children, two of whom are now grown.
"I don't think we could have survived it without having all three generations here," Ms. Conover said.
Making the move permanent made sense, but it wasn't without a few missteps along the way. When Mr. Calabro moved in, for example, he suggested taking the family out to eat once a week, a thoughtful gesture that proved too stressful with everyone's busy schedule.
It's important Mr. Calabro feels like he's pulling his weight, Mr. Conover said, so he makes his daughter's car payments and keeps the meals coming.
Then, when he needs to, he retreats to the third floor -- his heaven, he calls it.
First Published January 19, 2012 12:00 am
