Change is coming (but not for space aliens)
Share with others:
John Podesta, who runs President-elect Barack Obama's White House transition team, is feeling the heat from the Extraterrestrial Phenomenon Political Action Committee. They want him to lean on the incoming president to come clean on what the government knows about alien visitation.
Mr. Podesta, who served in the Clinton administration, is one of the highest-ranking backers of the Coalition for Freedom of Information, another group that believes legitimate investigation of unexplained aerial phenomena has to come out of the shadows.
"It is time for the government to declassify records that are more than 25 years old and to provide scientists with data that will assist in determining the real nature of this phenomenon," Mr. Podesta said at a 2002 news conference announcing the CFI's intent to gain access to secret government records about UFOs.
Ironically, the Bush administration that has always had a penchant for entertaining the theories of assorted neoconservative moonbats wasn't interested. They may receive an equally chilly reception from the new president judging by his answer during a Democratic debate whether he believed extraterrestrial life existed:
"You know, I don't know, and I don't presume to know," Mr. Obama said. "What I know is there is life here on Earth -- and -- we're not attending to life here on Earth. We're not taking care of kids who are alive and, unfortunately, are not getting health care. We're not taking care of senior citizens who are alive and are seeing their heating prices go up. So as president, those are the people I will be attending to first."
It wasn't the most imaginative answer in the world, but it was a clear statement of Mr. Obama's priorities. He isn't likely to have the perspective of Fox Mulder from "The X-Files" represented on his incoming team of rivals, unless we count former New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson, the man Mr. Obama has tapped to head the Department of Commerce
Mr. Richardson wrote a forward to a book on the Roswell Incident, an alleged UFO crash in New Mexico in 1947, and has publicly stated his belief that the Pentagon is engaged in a cover-up. All of this could be chalked up to be the posturing of a governor whose state benefits enormously from UFO-related tourism.
Still, I would love to be a fly on the wall when John Podesta tries to interest Barack Obama in ending the information embargo "regarding an extraterrestrial presence engaging the human race."
Obama: Listen, John, when I agreed to open the "X" files, I thought we were talking about unlocking everything the government knows about the murder of Malcolm X at the Audubon Ballroom in New York in 1965. What's with this "aliens among us" flying saucer [expletive deleted]?
Podesta: Mr. President-elect, I know UFOs aren't your top priority, but ...
Obama: John, didn't I recently diss Nancy Reagan for bringing astrologers into the White House? How is it going to look if I turn around and welcome the wrong kind of aliens to 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.? Besides, I hear that the extraterrestrials endorsed Sen. John McCain in the election. They're dead to me now.
Podesta: They may be dead to you, sir, but that doesn't mean they don't exist.
Obama: Earth to John, Earth to John. No offense, but maybe I should've brought Dennis Kucinich on as my transition leader. At least he has firsthand experience with UFOs.
Podesta: Excuse me, sir, but ...
Obama: Look, John. A black man with funny ears, a Muslim name and an outspoken wife is about to be sworn in as the 44th president of the United States. I survived the toughest Democratic primary in our party's history and I beat a genuine Vietnam War hero in the battle for this nation's hearts and minds. I am not going to tarnish my achievement with this nutball stuff.
(Mr. Podesta gathers his papers and exits Mr. Obama's Chicago office. He nods as he passes the president-elect's personal barber in the hallway. Mr. Obama is already sitting in his chair when the barber enters. Holding the mirror and examining his features, the president-elect smiles mischievously.)
Barber: How's it going, Mr. President-elect?
Obama: No reason for you to stand on ceremony like the humans, Sub-Commander Z. We can speak freely.
The infiltration and occupation of the Earth's various governments is nearly complete. Soon, we can safely summon the mother ship to dock in Earth's orbit without fear. We'll control all of the world's nuclear codes. Then we can truly begin enlightening these primitives about their place in the galaxy.
Barber: Excellent, Lord Ashtar. It's a good thing these humans don't know how "elitist" you truly are.
First Published December 2, 2008 12:00 am