O, say, can we stop the 'fierce combat'?
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Call me a sentimental fool, but I have always had a soft spot for people who want a little piece of the American dream. My sympathies are with the newly huddled masses who have been making themselves heard in recent days in support of immigration reform.
People who live perfect lives can't get over the fact that many millions of those here came illegally. They have a point. It is very important to obey the law, and I wish President Bush and his pals would do it.
But even if we did not have such a powerful role model in the White House in matters pertaining to respect for the law, I cannot bring myself to condemn a person for committing the crime of work. While I have always tried to avoid it myself, I do understand that some people have an irresistible urge to be gainfully employed.
Indeed, many of these people risked death and harassment to come here to seek a better life for themselves and their families. They work long hours in jobs that Americans don't want, all the while dreaming that one day they might be able to afford a tank full of gas.
Of course, it's a hopeless ambition -- these days, you need a mortgage for something like that -- but you got to love them for dreaming.
Except, of course, when they pursue legitimacy in self-destructive ways. Case in point, I think the national work stoppage on May 1 was a bad idea. There is something unseemly about uninvited guests coming to your home and banging their dinner plates with their spoons, which is sort of what it was.
Another bad idea is singing the national anthem in Spanish. Indeed, among the various squadrons of lead balloons that struggle to get off the ground in this country, the Spanish version of the national anthem is a veritable zeppelin of a bad idea headed to an ignominious end.
From these bad ideas, we can surmise that PR professionals wearing fancy suits and carrying briefcases are not among those wading across the Rio Grande. Clearly, the immigrants could have been better advised, especially on the subject of the national anthem.
The problem with singing the national anthem in Spanish is that something is lost in translation -- and part of that something is respect.
Some of the poetry is also lost because even with the best intentions some liberties have to be taken with the lyrics. In "Nuestro Himno" (Our Anthem), the rockets' red glare and bombs bursting in air become "fierce combat," which is hardly any incentive to having a Fourth of July fireworks display.
Remember, I speak as a friend, and I think the best way I can impress on hard-working Hispanics the folly of their recent ways is to give a taste of the U.S. national anthem in other languages.
As it happens, the idea for the Spanish-language national anthem came from a British music producer, Adam Kidron. It's apparently not enough that British warships bombarded Fort McHenry in 1814; they have to send over some bloke to finish us off some 200 years later. Thus, it's only fitting that I render the anthem in frightfully British English:
I say, old bean, can you see by the pub's porch light,/
What no chap would have thought when the beer was still streaming?
Whose striped suits and top hats made a terrible sight
O'er the tankards we watched, were unexpectedly steaming?
And although our pockets were bare, we were on a bit of a tear
In truth it was jolly bad luck that that flag was still there
In the spirit of general revulsion, I would be remiss if I did not offer a translation of the Star-Spangled banner from the original French:
Alors, mes amis, can you see, with the baguette's first bite
What Gauloises we proudly inhaled at our wives' last leaving
So that our formidable mistresses in striped frocks, through their elegant plight
O'er the Metro they promenaded and were so beautifully beaming
And the bidets' white glare, all that pouting in air
Say bof to the sight that the Yanks were still there
Surely we can all agree that these are terrible things to inflict on the American ear. And while immigrants may think that Spanish is the most comely of tongues, it likewise comes across as "fierce combat" when applied to this grand old tune. Take it from a friendly old gringo who wants immigration reform to succeed.
First Published May 3, 2006 12:00 am
