7 day forecast
If I ran the zoo: Oh, the heads that would roll
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In all the whole town,
As I go through my day
I see things I would change
If I had my own way.
If I had my own way,
There are things I would do.
Certain things would be different,
If I ran the zoo.
I'd start with the guy who,
When e-mails arrive,
And the number of "cc"s
Is seventy-five,
Types a vacuous answer
And hits "reply all."
I would seize his computer
And aim at the wall.
I'd move on to the talker,
That insolent gnome,
Who makes noise at the theater
As if he were home.
In my zoo he'll be sent home
To feel like a jerk:
For the next year the sound on his TV won't work.
In mid-conversation
This lady is prone
To check and send messages
On her iPhone.
I'll pull out my own phone
And text: "FYI:
Your behavior is rude
And I'm leaving. Goodbye."
And then there's the driver
Who seems awfully dim.
It's nighttime. It's dark.
But it's not dark to him.
He drives without headlights.
If I ran the zoo,
I would ticket and fine him
A thousand or two.
And what's with the women
(Men too?) who don't flush?
Are they spacey? Or sloppy?
Or just in a rush?
In my zoo you can bet
They'll be mopping the floors
As unpaid and permanent
Jan-i-tors.
Oh, if I ran the zoo
There can be no denying
The justice I'd mete
Would be quite satisfying.
I'd be happy to settle
An old score or two
So it's probably best
That I don't run the zoo.
First Published November 23, 2012 12:00 am
