Beware the hungry pelican
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We can't believe it ate the whole thing
London is abuzz with the latest in pigeon control. A pelican scarfed one down the other day in St. James's Park before an audience of families and tourists, who were shocked, if not appalled, by the unusual wildlife spectacle. If you must see a photo, go to blogs.guardian.co.uk/news, although, to be fair, if you didn't know the sad ending, it looks like the pigeon is simply waiting out a storm in a spacious shelter.
What's a pelican doing in a London park? Well, as everyone knows, the Russian ambassador gave a bunch of them to King Charles II more than 300 years ago. And aren't pelicans fish-eaters? Yes, but these days, who knows if the fish is fresh or farm-raised? (The pelican, by the way, was quoted as saying pigeon "tastes like chicken.")
Some Londoners think pelicans would be more cost-effective than the two hawks stationed in Trafalgar Square to disperse pigeons -- at an estimated cost of $135 a winged rodent. But Guardian blogger Simon Jeffery says that if people are too queasy about exterminating pigeons, The New York Times may have the answer. A Times article says forget the pigeons and go after the marginal city-dwellers whose interests in life don't extend beyond feeding pigeons. The problem is, these people -- "often the lonely seniors we presume them to be" -- have to be convinced it's in the birds' best interests that they not feed them. Tough sell on both sides.
Pigeon blog reaction
"Hold on, will someone please think of the children! Look at that monster pelican -- if it is supposed to eat only fish and can be clearly seen munching a pigeon, what will satisfy its blood lust next?"
"I think there's a good chance the pelican's just sheltering the pigeon from the rain. It's all a cynical misunderstanding."
"I am a peacenik to the nth, but I would love to exterminate every last one of the horrible buggers. And don't even get me started on the pigeons!"
"I remember reading plans that British scientists had in 1941 of crossing a pigeon with a pelican and breeding a large bird capable of flying over 300 miles and taking a large dump on Wales, or whomever it was we were fighting at the time."
You think pigeons are unpopular
What's missing from this year's World Series? Mark Dolliver puts his finger on it on adweek.blogs.com: Hardly anyone hates the Detroit Tigers or the St. Louis Cardinals. An AP/AOL/Ipsos Public Affairs poll asked baseball fans to identify the team they "love to hate." One-third didn't hate any team. Seven percent said they hate the Boston Red Sox, 3 percent picked the Los Angeles Dodgers and 2 percent each went to the San Francisco Giants, New York Mets, Oakland A's, Atlanta Braves and Chicago Cubs. (The Pirates aren't competent enough to arouse hatred.) Of course, the team that towered above the rest was the New York Yankees, despised by 40 percent of baseball fans -- proof to Dolliver that there's hope for America yet.
Ah, Paris!
Speaking of insidious stereotypes, you all know the one attached to the French. No, not their legendary military prowess. That one's on ice for now. We mean their reputation for supposed unfriendliness. And don't blame America for this one. Every year, a dozen or so Japanese tourists have such a tough time in Paris that they go bonkers, a hospital psychologist told the newspaper Journal du Dimanche. A third of the patients get better immediately, a third suffer relapses and the rest have French-induced psychoses.
So far this year, Japan's embassy has had to send back at least four visitors, including two women who believed their hotel room was being bugged because there was a plot against them. Previous cases include a man convinced he was the French "Sun King," Louis XIV and a woman who believed she was being attacked with microwaves.
The Morning File would like more proof that this stuff isn't true. Still, a man who helps Japanese families settle in France thinks he has an explanation: "In Japanese shops, the customer is king, whereas here assistants hardly look at them. People using public transport all look stern, and handbag snatchers increase the ill feeling." A Japanese woman told the paper: "For us, Paris is a dream city. Then, when the Japanese arrive, they find the French character is the opposite of their own."
'Like, O, God, like, please help'
A new Catholic prayer book aimed at Polish teenagers includes a prayer for God's intercession in helping them not say something dumb when drunk. "Lord, if in an unsober state, and under the influence of those around me, I say something stupid, please give me the strength to retract my words," reads the prayer. "Protect me against senseless bravado and pride." Could also be useful on Steelers Sunday.
The book, by Dominican monk Wojciech Jedrzejewski, has angered the Polish Catholic community as well as national media, according to Ananova.com. But Father Jedrzejewski stands by his work. Another prayer asks God if boys really have to be rude to girls and teachers to get peer respect. It reads: "Let me not be guided by idiotic notions of loyalty, if they might lead to evil." Wouldn't this book have a big sales potential in Washington?
Our nominee for a Nobel
Comedy Central's Stephen Colbert interviews Dr. Peter Agre of Scientists and Engineers for America:
Colbert: "You said 'anyone who grew up on a farm knows that evolution exists.' OK, are you saying a monkey can milk a cow?"
Agre: "Well, if I can milk a cow I suspect a monkey as smart as I am can milk a cow."
C: "Are there monkeys as smart as you?"
A: "I'm sure there are quite a few, quite a few.
C: "Oh really? Mmhum. Do they give a Nobel prize for throwing your own feces?"
A: "........That's the Economics prize, I think."
(Courtesy of siliconvalley.com)
First Published October 26, 2006 12:00 am
