America, home of the lonely
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It must be true what they say about feeling loneliest in a crowd. Two weeks ago, we learned from a new study that Americans are feeling more socially isolated than ever. This week we learned that the U.S. population will hit a whopping 300 million sometime in October.
Apparently, the more of us there are, the less we're connecting with each other. Could this explain why Pittsburgh is such a friendly town?
Our population loss is among the nation's most severe, and our influx of immigrants is at or near the bottom of other comparable cities. No wonder visitors often remark about the helpfulness of the natives. We're just so darned happy for the company, we go out of our way to make sure folks will want to come back.
Unfortunately, this friendliness doesn't necessarily extend to transplants, for the same reason that couples tend to pull back on romantic gestures after the wedding -- there's no point pursuing a deal that's already done.
As a result, folks who've actually moved here often remark that it's a tough town to crack when it comes to making friends.
The hardy souls who remained here through the great exodus of the 1980s tend to have deep roots in the region and, in many cases, lots of extended family to keep them company and drive them nuts. They may not need any additions to their circle.
In a city with lots of transplants, newcomers can seek out each other for friendship. But the only transplants Pittsburgh is famous for are livers and kidney, which aren't known to make great confidants.
The nation's growing social isolation was chronicled by sociologists at Duke University and the University of Arizona. They found that adults today tend to have only two people they can count on for help when the chips are down, let alone confide in about things that really matter.
Lacking a social fabric of friends, more people are relying exclusively on a spouse. Compared to 20 years ago, 50 percent more people reported that their mate is the only one they can talk to. So if there's a divorce, illness or death, those people feel completely alone. This may help explain why a quarter of respondents said they have no one to confide in at all.
What happened to all those social connections? Probably the same thing that happened to involvement in the PTA -- mobility, overwork, long commutes and exhaustion. Then there's all the home-based electronic entertainment that makes going out seem unnecessary, and high-tech communication replacing face-to-face meetings.
If you ask me, there's another factor worth mentioning. The country is in an unusually foul mood, with deep divisions and loud, nasty discourse about matters of enormous national import. Who wants to go wading around in that when they can stay home and watch Simon Cowell on "American Idol" making loud, nasty discourse on matters of no import whatsoever?
This isn't what was supposed to happen in the wake of 9/11, when various media outlets purported to chronicle an outbreak of relationship-building. The terrorist attacks, we heard, had caused people to re-examine their priorities and rekindle human connections.
It sounded good, but like so many things that sound good, it was mostly bogus. And to the extent that such an effect existed at all, it doesn't appear to have had much staying power.
Meanwhile, the combined forces of immigration, longer life span and climbing birthrate have made the United States the fastest growing nation in the industrialized world. In population, it now ranks third, following China and India. By 2040, the population will hit 400 million.
You'd think all these added people would increase the probability of friendship, but no. The nation just keeps getting more populous and more individually isolated at the same time.
These two trends may not have a direct cause and effect, but they do have some bearing on each other. More people equals more traffic jams and more demand for housing, which drives up the cost of real estate, which sends people further out into the exurbs, which leads to longer commutes and worse tempers that make us terrible company at neighborhood barbecues.
There's been a lot of talk in this country about traditional families acting as an anchor through times of great upheaval. But it appears that by themselves, they're not having the desired effect, and therein lies an important lesson: Family values, important as they are, do not an entire social fabric make. Not even in Pittsburgh.
First Published July 9, 2006 12:00 am
