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Monday, August 12, 2002

By Rob Rossi, Post-Gazette Sports Writer

Pete Weber is to bowling what Barry Bonds is to baseball: the son of a great who has long since bettered pops.

	Cathy Tigano, Post-Gazette illustration

Two big differences: Pete is a champion (28 times over ... twice more than Big Daddy Cool, Dick), and he has a personality. You wouldn't catch Barry spending his day off promoting the new Tri-State Bowlers Tour, which will kick off its eight-open tournament regular season Sept. 15 at Suburban Lanes in Morgantown, Almost Heaven. OK, so you might, but it's highly unlikely considering Barry doesn't, well, bowl. Anyway, if the thought of a trip 70-odd miles down I-79 wasn't enough to strike fear into Pete's frame, surely rolling Out Of Bounds with the Angry Young Man would leave him in the gutter (all right, we'll spare you any more Pins Spin ... uh, sorry).

Angry Young Man: My friends -- hey, stop laughing -- used to say you can't go bowling without Miss Pretties.

Pete Weber: Well, I guess it would be more fun. You could do a little strip bowling.

AYM: Is that sanctioned?

PW: I don't know about that ... but it sure sounds fun.

AYM: Worst pick-up line you have used or have heard used on a Miss Pretty Pin Girl?

PW: "Hey, don't I know you?"

AYM: And she said?

PW: [Laughs] I can't give the response.

AYM: Has automated scoring contributed to the decline in the comprehension and application of mathematical theorems amongst the younger generation?

PW: I don't think the younger generation actually knows how to add bowling scores. I know they have tests for this in school. In fact, my stepson flunked a test because he didn't know how to keep score.

AYM: Back in the good old days, were you a 'fill in the box' guy?

PW: Aaaah ... filling in the box, huh? I was an "X and /" man. I think coloring in the boxes is for ... well, I guess I can't say.

AYM: Be careful.

PW: Coloring in the boxes are for ...[BLEEEEEEEEP]

AYM: Uh, that would be a foul.

PW: Fine, coloring in the boxes is for sissies.

AYM: I was known to knock down a few pins back in the Less Angry Years and I colored in the boxes.

PW: Well, then, you were a ...[BLEEEEEEEEP]

AYM: Did you ever just want to scream "miss" at an opponent?

PW: Absolutely, and if any bowler tells you they haven't wanted to, they're full of it.

AYM: Yeah, but bowlers are, for the most part, good sports.

PW: Today, with the new PBA, we're pretty much allowed to do whatever we want.

AYM: Sweet Chin Music?

PW: Hey, if somebody wants to get it on, I'd say, "Suck it!"

AYM: OK, which is worse: Kingpin or The Big Lebowski?

PW: Kingpin, absolutely. Professional bowling is nothing like that.

AYM: Like, if you saw Vanessa Angel in a bowling alley, you wouldn't say, "Hey, don't I know you?"

PW: Probably, but I'd rather she be Cindy Crawford.

AYM: Is Dick Weber your favorite bowler?

PW: Second. Mark Roth is my idol. Dad and me have been fortunate to accomplish the things we've accomplished. And, what we've done, we've done as a family. It hasn't been individual [competition].

AYM: Still, how do you handle the steroid rumors?

PW: If they think I'm using 'roids, they better take another look.

AYM: What was it like the first time you beat the old man?

PW: I'll give you a quote from my mother: "I'm rooting for Dick, but I'm betting on Pete." She hasn't lost yet.

AYM: Oily or dry?

PW: Oily.

AYM: And you're just assuming I'm talking about lanes?

PW: [Pauses] Yeah, but I'll keep my answer for other things, too.

AYM: Wow, you've been hanging around in Morgantown way too long.

PW: I got a good taste of them last night.

AYM: Which is more troubling: the 7-10 split or a tax return?

PW: Filling out a tax return because I don't know how to do it.

AYM: What bowling gimmick drives you nuts?

PW: That's kind of tough because I like the Disco Bowling, and I like the Cosmic Bowling. I kind of like the Bumper Bowling for the kids, but if you really want the kids to learn, I'd do away with the bumpers.

AYM: They'd probably get discouraged, go through life emotionally wack and end up blaming you on Larry King Live for their tragic turn toward eeeeeeviiiiil.

PW: I'd hang a pin in the middle of the lane, and when they hit pin, they'd get an extra point added on to their score. That would encourage them to keep the ball on the lane, instead of throwing it off the bumpers. And I would call it Mr. Pin.

AYM: Dr. Evil, we can maximize our profits by selling T-shirts with Mr. Pin's likeness.

PW: Riiiiiiiight ... you take care of that, OK?

AYM: On tour, who is money when it comes to Beer Frames?

PW: Me. You say "beer," I'll probably throw strikes. Anything that doesn't have "Light" on it.

AYM: Drew Carey vs. Jerome Bettis?

PW: Jerome ... by a long shot. Drew enjoys bowling, but he's not real good.

AYM: He strikes me as the type who could strike for a beer.

PW: Buzz Beer?

AYM: Touche. Could Jerome have made the PBA Tour had he chosen bowling shoes over cleats?

PW: I don't know about that, but he's pretty good. I bowled with him in a Pro-Am in New Jersey, and he rolled a 299 ... and it was real, no fake strikes. He got them all by himself, left a solid 8 pin.

AYM: Speaking of bowling shoes, I just bought a pair of shoes that are designed to resemble bowling shoes.

PW: Well, you won't catch me in any.

AYM: They don't come with the disinfectant spray, though?

PW: They should.

AYM: Just for the authenticity.

PW: But, then again, you don't have a thousand kids wearing those shoes.

AYM: Don't be so sure, kids today are weird.

PW: Ain't that the truth. Anybody who pays $70 for shoes that look like bowling shoes ... well, what do you do with [that person]?

AYM: Well, you certainly don't hire him, that's for sure.

AYM: Could Dennis Miller revive Saturday Afternoon Bowling?

PW: I wouldn't mind seeing that. I'm not knocking him -- I watch him on TV -- but I don't think he fit with football fans. A bowling audience would pick up on his comedy a lot easier because they watch stuff like that.

AYM: When you order soup, do you get a cup or a bowl?

PW: A cup, a big cup.

AYM: Ever seen anybody lose a hand in the ball return?

PW: Not knocked off, but I've seen people get hurt from punching the ball return.

AYM: That's not coming from personal experience, right?

PW: Oh, absolutely.