Rescued from deep within the Post-Gazette's master C-drive, we proudly present this until-now unpublished collection of our top 25 predictions for the first month of the NHL season.
Note the stunning accuracy ...
Mario Lemieux will live up to The Hockey News' preseason estimation that he is the NHL's fifth-best player by producing more assists than the top two players on that list, Nicklas Lidstrom and Peter Forsberg, have points.
The Penguins will get off to one of best starts in franchise history, and not one of the 2.3 million people who live in the Pittsburgh area will give Rick Kehoe a shred of credit for it.
The NHL's two prominent players from the University of Vermont will rank among the top 10 shooters, only it will be Martin St. Louis outscoring John LeClair.
Jaromir Jagr will be allowed to choose his linemates and will be happy and productive for the first time since arriving in Washington.
Overtime power plays will become the rule, not the exception.
The local children's charity which receives $500 from Alexei Kovalev for every goal he scores will be $5,000 richer.
Simultaneously, for every goal Kovalev scores, the Penguins will be that much poorer in the long haul for having failed to sign him when they knew they had a fixed price.
The company which makes Johan Hedberg's goal sticks will report a sizable loss of earnings, just as hypnotists around the world report a spike in visits from men wearing masks.
The three finalists for MVP last season -- Jarome Iginla, Patrick Roy and winner Jose Theodore -- will carry a profile for their respective teams roughly equal to that of Hans Jonsson.
The Predators will lose every game they play by one goal, except for the one night they beat the Red Wings.
Penguins officials will respond to low attendance by adding six more bobblehead doll promotions, for a total of 10. Soon, there will be one for Vladimir Vujtek.
The Hurricanes will show a short memory in forgetting that Arturs Irbe took them to the final by benching him in favor of Kevin Weekes. The fans will show a shorter memory by averaging 4,000 empty seats a night.
The Thrashers will win. Once.
Chris Osgood will make a save for the Islanders. Once a week.
The Blues will lose their top four goaltenders, Chris Pronger and Keith Tkachuk for long stretches and still win nine of their first dozen.
The Bruins will lose Byron Dafoe, Bill Guerin and Kyle McLaren forever and do just as well.
Hockey fans in New York will act shocked for a sixth consecutive year when the Rangers turn out to be nothing more than an overpaid, over-the-hill, overrated and, above all, overanalyzed hockey team.
Darius Kasparaitis will miss Ian Moran.
The Maple Leafs will complain. About something.
The Lightning will soar to the top of the Eastern Conference in the same month that the Bengals guarantee a victory and deliver.
Jacques Lemaire, finally free from the shackles of obstruction, will lead his who-you-calling-boring Wild to the head of the West.
Mike Modano, finally free from the shackles of Ken Hitchcock, will re-emerge as the exciting offensive player that those inside the game always knew him to be.
Martin Straka will make it through a full period ... no, a whole game. ... no, three games ...
Referee Paul Stewart will discard his copy of the league guidelines on the obstruction crackdown to clear shelf space for another self-portrait.
Dick Tarnstrom for the Norris.
Dejan Kovacevic can be reached at dkovacevic@post-gazette.com or 412-263-1938.
Inside the NHL: Uncovered preseason predictions show hindsight is 66/66 
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