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Sunday, November 03, 2002

By Ed Bouchette, Post-Gazette Sports Writer

If Sports Illustrated can do it, and USA Today, why not us? Because picking midseason All-Everything NFL teams is stupid.

That's something Major League Baseball would do, only it calls it the All-Star Game. It's really the half-season All-Star Game. But turning it over to their fans to pick it was the best move baseball did, because the fans truly pick the real all-stars. Then, it allows all the whiny columnists to complain that they didn't pick Joe Flashinthepan to start at third base because he hit .345 through June after picking up bats for a living for the previous six years. If he drops below the Mendoza line by August, none of the whiners will remind you they demanded he be chosen.

At least in football, they wait until almost the end of the season to pick the all-stars, even if the Pro Bowl is the most boring all-star game since the Ryder Cup. That is, everyone waits except for the media, who must have their midseason All-Pro teams and don't even wait until the first half of the season is concluded before picking them.

By doing so, it leads USA Today to choose as its Comeback Player of the Year Robert Edwards of the Miami Dolphins. Surely, his story is heartwarming after he nearly lost his leg in a touch football game played before the Pro Bowl. But Edwards has just 65 yards rushing for the Dolphins. That's not a comeback, that's a performance that can get you cut. The paper clearly missed the comeback of the decade -- Tommy Maddox.

Nevertheless, there are some performances from the first half of the season worthy of note.

Like:

Best Drive of the Year. It goes to Deuce McAllister of the New Orleans Saints. Not for his 52-yard run against the Steelers, but for his 70 mph dash through a 40 mph zone on his way to the Saints' practice facility in the morning of Oct. 26. Police caught him, discovered his license was suspended and threw him in jail for a time. Where were they Oct. 6 when the Steelers needed them?

Best Non-Move. Like Bill Cowher, Denver Coach Mike Shannahan was close to benching his starting quarterback early in the season. Unlike Cowher, he resisted. Through eight games, Brian Griese is on pace to complete a single-season team-record 374 passes for a record 4,232 yards. "The guy's playing great right now," said Broncos wide receiver Rod Smith.

Worst Division. It would be a tossup between the AFC No and the AFC So-So, but the winless Bungles weigh down the No's victory.

Best Loss. Cincinnati's 34-7 gouging by the Steelers Oct. 13. It may not have gone far in saving the job of Coach Dick LeBeau but it may have saved his life. He promised to dive in the Ohio River if his team had won (strap on some goggles, Dick, and see if you find David Shula down there anywhere). LeBeau never learns, though. He guaranteed a win against Houston today. If they don't, he'll dive into the nacho cheese dip.

Worst Draft Pick. Offensive tackle Bryant McKinnie was selected on the first round by Minnesota. He was unsigned until Friday, which means he finally will fulfill what scouts said about him the day he was drafted: "He comes to play."

Best Chuck Noll Impression. Mike Tice, when asked about McKinnie's contract status earlier last week: "Who?"

Best "Monday Night Football" Game. Any that ends before midnight.

Best Movie. Miami Coach Dave Wannstedt took his team last Monday to see "Shackleton's Antarctic Adventure." It's a movie about an explorer's crew's persistence to survive after getting stuck in the ice. Bill Belichick showed it to his team last year and look what happened. "I think they're getting us ready for these next two cold-weather games," said Dolphins linebacker Zach Thomas.

Best Genius Coach. Belichick. Check that. Bill Callahan. Check that. Mike Martz. Check that. Dick Jauron. Check that. John Fox. Check that. Tom Cough... Oh, just check with us later.