Baseball Notebook / 8:30:02: Ashes to ashes, dirt to yogurt

First-class passengers on the Titanic dined on oysters, poached salmon and Waldorf pudding before the ice sculpture arrived. Elvis' last meal consisted of four scoops of ice cream and six chocolate chip cookies. A death row inmate in Texas even requested dirt for his last meal. Prison officials gave him yogurt instead. Given the choice, The Guy In The Stands can understand why he opted for the dirt.

We'll be served the Atlanta Braves before the long, dark ball-less curtain descends upon the land sometime past the midnight hour Thursday night/Friday morning.

A John Smoltz split-finger fooling pinch hitter Abraham Nunez for the last out of the ninth Thursday afternoon could likely be the last real sighting seen in these parts for some time. Barring, of course, some miracle by which Bud Selig suddenly divines the power to change water into IC Light and Don Fehr into a fisher of men.

The Braves are in town beginning Tuesday for the final three games before the Friday strike deadline. Not the Padres, Brewers or Devil Rays, but the team with the best record in baseball -- the 81-45 Braves, the 18 1/2-games-up Braves.

Greg Maddux Wednesday? Tom Glavine Thursday? At least one, maybe both, depending on how the rotation sets up.

In normal times, the idea of facing all those Cy Youngs would not be cause for joy in Mudville. But these times are anything but normal. These are times in which an owner -- the Padres' John Moores -- says he is "prepared to sit out all next season." And that he has 10 brothers ready to keep him company.

Saber-rattling, maybe. But if not, if these are the end days, The Guy would rather watch Maddux and Glavine in the final hours than Tanyon Sturtze and Jose Lima.

In Atlanta's unprecedented run of 10 consecutive postseason appearances, they are the constant greatness along with Smoltz.

And while both turned 36 this season, they have again been coolly dominant. Going into Maddux's start in Los Angeles Friday, they were a combined 27-11 with a 2.64 earned run average.

The tandems of Randy Johnson-Curt Schilling (39-8), Pedro Martinez-Derek Lowe (34-8), Barry Zito-Mark Mulder (33-12) and David Wells-Mike Mussina (29-12) have more wins. But which among them has averaged 34 wins together the past 10 years? Or posted an ERA of 2.84. That's for an entire decade.

Even in their worst season, they won 30 games (while losing 21) in 1996 with an ERA of 2.84.

"You've had guys do it for two, three, four years," said longtime Braves pitching coach Leo Mazzone in spring training. "But nobody has ever done it for 10."

Even Don Drysdale and Sandy Koufax, the barometer for pitching partners the past 50 years, are about to take a backseat to these Atlanta pitchers who've succeeded more with manipulation than intimidation. Maddux and Glavine went into the weekend needing one victory to surpass Drysdale-Koufax's 340 wins as teammates.

And they've accomplished it with 65 fewer losses. And in an era when home run is king.

"They're the greatest 1-2 punch in the history of baseball," said Mazzone, his obvious biases be damned.

And they're still the linchpin of what some believe might be the best Braves team of their improbable run. "Best team I've ever played for," said Chipper Jones, who came up in '95. "And a lot of guys in this clubhouse would tell you it's the best team they've ever played for, too."

Critics will argue that means about as much as giving the architects of Miller Park an award for creativity, seeing as they have only one World Series title to show for it. Still, they are 61-24 since May 15, including a 7-6 win Monday against the Rockies in which Jones hit a tying home run in the eighth and then a winning shot in the ninth.

"It's just another one of those things where you think, well, maybe there's something special going on with this team this year," Glavine said.

That deadline thing, remember. It's always out there. Has been for weeks. Somewhere. Just beyond all the words. Just beyond all the talk of September. Just beyond Thursday.

The Braves will be left with their what-ifs. Fans at PNC Park will be left with a last glimpse of a couple of Hall of Famers-in-waiting. Being that both are free agents after the season (whenever that is), perhaps their final time as teammates.

Marlins veterans wanted to make certain a strike wouldn't force cancellation of the really important events on the calendar ... like season-ending hazing of rookies that traditionally occurs on the final road trip of the year. Rookie pitchers Josh Beckett and Michael Tejera showed up for Monday's flight to Los Angeles in some time-honored, veteran-selected garb -- Beckett in a grass skirt and coconut bra, Tejera in a Superman outfit.

It only seems like it is November, with college football having kicked off Thursday night and voters at the polls in Georgia. On the latter, The Guy commends to your attention the city council race in Columbus, Ga., and the school board race in Coweta County. (And yes, he does have a life.) Glenn Davis, who hit 190 homers in a 10-year career spent mostly with Houston, was voted onto the Columbus City Council. Steve Bedrosian, the 1987 NL Cy Young winner with the Phillies, was elected to the Coweta board.

Cereal or dessert? So goes the debate over one Coco Crisp since he made his debut for the Indians Aug. 15. Yeah, he's hitting .296, blah, blah, blah. But it's the name, man, the name that has captured the imagination of luggards with nothing better to do.

"Who's that Crisp guy leading off?" several A's asked club broadcaster Ray Fosse before Monday's game at Jacobs Field. "That's Coco Crisp," replied Fosse.

Reliever Chad Bradford voiced the response of a trivial nation: "Get outta here. Really, what's his name?"

Again: Cereal or dessert? Feel free to argue amongst yourselves. And perhaps sample from The Guy's All-Dessert tray, er, team:

Darryl Strawberry OF
Peanuts Lowrey OF
Billy Sunday OF
Pie Traynor 3B
Coco Laboy SS
Cookie Rojas 2B
Puddin' Head Jones 1B
Klondike Douglass C
David Cone P

And, of course, what's dessert without a glass of after-dinner Bobby Wine and a cup of Jack Coffey, all prepared for you by Bake McBride. As Julia Child once said: "Burp!"

The Guy doesn't care when the season ends. Is there anyone alive able to take the NL Cy Young away from Curt Schilling. In Arizona's 11-3 win against the Reds Wednesday, Schilling did not throw a ball until the second batter of the third inning. Any wonder he has 21 wins and just 20 walks. "His command is just ridiculous," catcher Damian Miller said. FYI: A 3-to-1 strikeout-to-walk ratio "is considered really good," Miller said. Schilling's ratio is 13-to-1.

Good: Corey Lidle, Athletics, Wednesday: 9 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 8 Ks in a 6-0 win vs. the Indians. He took part in his second one-hitter in 17 days, ran his scoreless streak to 31 consecutive innings and retired the final 25 Indians in a row. And who knows ... maybe the A's will stop talking about trading him.

Wild: Andy Benes, Cardinals, Monday: 7 IP, 2 H, 0 R, 2 BB, 7 Ks in a 7-2 win vs. the Pirates. The man almost retired in April because of an arthritic right knee. In August, he's allowed 4 runs and 12 hits in 25 1/3 innings.

Ugly: Adam Dunn, Reds, Tuesday: 5 AB, 0 R, 0 H, 0 RBIs, 5 Ks in a 5-3 loss vs. the Diamondbacks. OK, four of his whiffs were against Randy Johnson. "It shouldn't matter who you're facing," Dunn says. "That's ridiculous. That's terrible." This week ... that's ugly.

Owners vs. players, New York ... Players hold 8-0 series edge, but this might be owners' year.

Pirates fans will be thrilled to know that even if there is a strike Friday, the club, while not paying Jason Kendall, Brian Giles, etc., will continue to pay Derek Bell the rest of the $4 million he is owed. ... A first? Aug. 10-11, the Bobby Jones' started consecutive games for the Padres -- Bobby J. in a 9-0 loss to the Reds, Bobby M. in a 9-7 loss to the Reds. As an encore, they went on the disabled list in back-to-back transactions Aug. 15-17. Destiny? ... And more destiny? Former Dodgers catcher John Roseboro, who died last week, was buried at Forest Lawn in Los Angeles, the same cemetery where former batterymate Don Drysdale is buried. ...

Some outing by Giants pitcher (and former Pirate) Jason Schmidt Tuesday. Six consecutive strikeouts to open the game and 13 overall in a five-hit, 1-0 shutout of the Mets. ... Mets Manager Bobby Valentine, in the midst of the Mets' 11-game losing streak: "How tough is it? What do you mean? Do you want my blood pressure? It's killing me, it's killing my folks, it's killing my family. It's killing my dog." ... The Cardinals' 4-1 win vs. the Pirates Wednesday moved Manager Tony LaRussa past Bill McKechnie into 10th place on the all-time wins list (1,897). ... After the Reds and Astros split a four-game series last weekend while the front-running Cardinals were in the midst of winning 11 of 13, Houston's Jeff Bagwell all but said no one would catch St. Louis in the NL Central. "It's their division to lose. If they continue to play the way they've been, the only way for us would be to win our last seven games against them." ...

We should've known the world wasn't quite right Sunday when Rich Beem(??!!) denied Tiger Woods the PGA title. We knew it for a fact Monday when all 10 games on the schedule ended in less than 3 hours. ... Oh, and we missed it! Monday was Stubby Clapp bobblehead night at AutoZone Park in Memphis.

Shot: Randy Smith (the 48-year-old iron worker at Disneyland, not the former Tigers GM) has a message for the players: "I see it in the sports section that they're calling it a labor dispute. They don't do any labor. If they want to see labor, then follow me around for a day."