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Sunday, July 28, 2002

By Steve Ziants, Post-Gazette Sports Writer

It’s a good bet that Clint Hurdle’s wit wasn’t the reason Dan O’Dowd hired him to replace Buddy Bell as manager of the Colorado Rockies in April.

Still, for a franchise that has $150 million invested in two pitchers that are a combined 9-18 and whose story of the year to this point would be titled “How We Kept Our Balls Fresh,” the ability to inject a little fun into what is proving to be another disappointing season in Denver is not without merit.

He’s certainly given The Guy In The Stands another reason to look forward to the Rockies’ visit to PNC Park this week. It has to be easier on the senses than watching Larry Walker’s annual blood-letting of Pirates pitching.

Oh, Hurdle is no Yogi. He doesn’t speak in bromides that will one day be found in a book next to household johns across America. And he’s not what you’d call laugh-out-loud funny like, say, Jim Traficant. But you get the idea you wouldn’t mind sitting around the desk in his office every day, listening to him relate subjects to baseball as diverse as Rover’s appendages, infamous Russian wastelands and Barney. He obviously never got the memo about taking ’em one at a time and giving 110 percent. It could almost make a team -- and the writers who cover it -- forget it is 14 1/2 games out of first place and that its cleanup hitter has hit just three home runs since June 22.

“My wife always says I’m the loudest person she hears talking in a room,” Rockies pitcher Denny Neagle said after Hurdle was promoted from batting coach. “Now I tell her, ‘You’ve got to see my new manager.’”

Hey, if Andy Warhol were alive, he might just try to paint Hurdle’s mind. Among the colorful, pop art lines he would find:

On his first day as manager and all the attention that went with it: “You know, I woke up a hitting coach and went to bed a manager.”

On whether his first losing streak as manager was also his first managerial crisis: “I have been divorced twice. I have been released and I have been shot at. Are you kidding? We just lost some ballgames.”

On shortstop Juan Uribe’s impatience at the plate: “Until he allows the pitcher to actually let go of the ball before he takes a whack at it, he’s going to struggle.”

On the Coors Field humidor and the effect it seemed to be having through April and May: “Ask the people at Enron and Arthur Andersen. Numbers can be used to say a lot of things.”

On losing to the Yankees, 20-10, during the anti-humidor series in June in which the teams combined for 70 runs: “Their line looked like a zip code.”

On sending Neagle to the bullpen: “This isn’t a trip to Siberia. This is a pause.”

More on Neagle’s move to the pen: “If nothing else, it can change the scenery a little bit. ... It’s like getting up two hours later and then going through your day. You run into a whole different group of people and a whole different group of situations. Things change and you adjust.”

On Mike Hampton’s struggles: “He’s like the bull rider who keeps getting tough draws, but keeps climbing on.”

On forcing Todd Zeile to take a day off last weekend: “We’re giving him a mental pause.”

And finally, a Guy favorite ...

On whether Uribe should curtail his sometimes hot-dogging ways: “No, that would be like cutting the tail off the dog. The dog wags his tail with his heart.”

Oh, the profundity.

All The Guy can say is may Hurdle’s tail wag tall, wag proud and wag long. Or at least until The Guy gets that book of johnnie quotes finished.

Trade bait

On the subject of trades and the impending non-waiver trade deadline (midnight Wednesday) ... Indians GM Mark Shapiro threw a telling number into the mix this week. “There are at least 16 teams that are trying to dump players,” he said. ... From the Don’t-Get-Him-Wrong Dept.: Texas’ Kenny Rogers (11-5) isn’t ruling out waiving his no-trade clause. He just wouldn’t waive it for the Reds. ... No surprise that big-ticket third baseman Scott Rolen is available, but the Phillie drawing the most nibbles is 40-year-old reliever Dan Plesac. ... With Barry Bonds and Reggie Sanders hurting, the Giants find themselves in such need of an outfielder that pitcher Livan Hernandez was No. 4 on the outfield depth chart Tuesday night.

Payback

The Giants’ Tom Goodwin wasn’t looking to rub it in the Dodgers’ faces last weekend. But hey, if he must, he must. Released by Los Angeles in spring training and forced to take a job with San Francisco’s AAA team, Goodwin stepped in for the injured Barry Bonds and beat the Dodgers, 3-2, July 19 with a winning two-run single in the 12th inning. Two days later, he broke a 4-4 tie against them with a two-run homer in the ninth. If Goodwin felt some satisfaction, imagine what the Dodgers felt. They’re paying $3 million of his salary this season. “The check’s probably going to be a little late this week,” Goodwin said.

Honey, I’m going out

His name is Takashi Shimada. He is 75. He lives in Tokyo. And, if you listen to his wife, Kazuko, he’s not quite right. OK, even moreso than most husbands. But when a man’s got it bad, there’s nothing a woman can do but stand at the door, wave goodbye and hope he brings her a T-shirt.

Shimada developed an affection for American minor-league baseball when the Oakland Seals toured post-WWII Japan. To feed his addiction, he has made a two-week trip to America every summer since 1952 to watch River Dogs and Warthogs and SeaWolves. Tuesday, he was in Fort Worth, Texas, to see the Fort Worth Cats play the San Angelo Colts in the independent Central Professional Baseball League. Can’t Kazuko stop this madness?

“I complained about it to him one time,” Kazuko told Damien Pierce of the Fort Worth Star-Telegram, “and he just responded, ‘Would you rather I chase women?’”

Wow! Tough call.

A Billy Buck shot

Was it? Nah, couldn’t be. Except ... that was Bill Buckner, storied Red Sox goat of the 1986 World Series, sitting in a box behind home plate at Shea Stadium Friday. It was believed to be only Buckner’s second visit to Shea since allowing Mookie Wilson’s two-out grounder to roll through his legs in the bottom of the 10th of Game 6 that allowed Ray Knight to race home with the winning run for the Mets and prevent the Red Sox from winning it all. Buckner seemed to enjoy himself Friday. Even the fans. “Some of them looked at me like, ‘You’re not really him, are you?’” It was. In a strange bit of happenstance, Wilson and Knight were also there as coaches with the Mets and Reds, respectively.

Turn, turn, turn

Call The Guy crazy, but just remember you heard it here first. The Pirates’ last-best gasp of the second half did not end in Cincinnati or Houston this week, but in the fourth inning at PNC Park Sunday when, after rallying to tie the score, 4-4, in the bottom of the third, they allowed Cardinals pitcher Chuck Finley -- 0 for his 17-year career! -- to double and score with two outs in the fourth and regain the lead for Cardinals en route to an 8-4 win. Instead of going out on the road just 6 1/2 games back and with momentum, they left 8 1/2 back. How bad was it to get beat by Finley’s bat? Finley guessed he was 12 the last time he scored the go-ahead run. “I think somebody hit a ground ball to short and they threw it over the head of the first baseman, and the whole team went behind first base to pick it up,” he said.

Good, wild & ugly ...

Box score lines of the week:

Good: Nomar Garciaparra, Red Sox, Tuesday: 5 AB, 3 R, 3 H, 3 HRs, 8 RBIs in a 22-4 win vs. the Devil Rays. Yeah, yeah, the numbers were something. But what about his comment afterward: “I think the greatest thing about today is that we battled back.” Uh, Nomar, when you win by 18 runs, does it really matter that the Devil Rays led, 4-0, in this one?

Wild: Aaron Boone, Reds, Wednesday: 3 AB, 1 R, 0 H, 0 RBIs, 3 SBs in a 10-5 win vs. the Pirates. In a close race, three stolen bases in a game in which you don’t get a hit ranks higher on the scale of improbabilty than even Chuck Finley collecting his first hit in 17 years and Boston infielder Lou Merloni’s ability to score four runs while collecting just one hit (vs. the Devil Rays Tuesday).

Ugly: Randy Johnson, Diamondbacks, Sunday: 5 IP, 8 H, 8 R, 8 ER, 6 BB, 9 Ks in an 11-9 loss vs. the Padres. You know something must’ve been wrong (back?) when he loses to his favorite punchout bag, San Diego, which he had not done in 13 career starts vs. the Friars.

Series of the week

Red Sox (60-42) at Angels (61-41), tomorrow-Wednesday. ... Just because they’re done with AL West rivals Seattle and Oakland for a while doesn’t mean the Angels catch a break. They lead the race for the AL wild card by a game. And who is it that’s a game back? The Red Sox. ... Yes, Nomar Garciaparra had the big game Tuesday. But as exciting for Boston is seeing Manny Ramirez regain his stroke after that finger injury. He is 11 for 32 with 5 HRs and 12 RBIs in his past seven games. ... The Angels are 7-3 in a key 20-game stretch against postseason contenders. ... Wednesday’s game is on ESPN2 (10:05 p.m.).

This ’n’ that’

Ozzie Smith, Phillies voice Harry Kalas and longtime Detroit baseball writer Joe Falls enter the Hall of Fame today (1 p.m., ESPN Classic). ... Remember when Mike Hampton told us it wasn’t about the money ($123 million for eight years), but about schools and family as to why he chose Denver and the Rockies? Hampton and family will make their off-season home in the Houston area beginning this winter. ... Even if the owners and players somehow reach an agreement without a work stoppage, it may be years until its effects are felt. Owners have committed $3.5 billion in guaranteed contracts to players through 2007. Topping the list: The Yankees, who have guaranteed 11 players $383,654,284. ...

In case you wondered, the next “Fan Strike” day is Thursday. ... The A’s are 18-4 in Barry Zito’s 22 starts. ... From the Yes-It-Really-Happened Dept.: The Tigers beat the Royals, 3-0, Wednesday in a game that took just 1 hour, 41 minutes -- the fastest nine-inning game since 1984. In an equally amazing story, Jose Lima pitched seven (shutout!) innings to get the win. ... Remember Howie Clark, the 28-year-old rookie who finally got the call from the Orioles last week? He’s hit in eight of his first nine games (14 for 37). ...

Even forgetting for a moment he was the first Yankees pitcher to give up five homers in a game since John Cumberland in 1970, the five long balls Jeff Weaver threw to the Red Sox in a 9-8 win Sunday was a surprise. He didn’t give up his first home run this season until June 2 and gave up only four in 17 starts for the Tigers. ... Rangers pitchers found yet another way to blow a game when Dave Burba forced in the winning run in the bottom of the ninth of a 6-5 loss to the A’s July 20 when he hit Olmedo Saenz with the bases loaded. “If I was an ostrich, I’d have my head in the sand right now,” Burba said. ... Nelson Barrera, 44, who last year broke the Mexican League career record for home runs with 455, was killed July 14 when he was electrocuted while working on the roof of his home. ... And then he had none. Lenny Harris broke Manny Mota’s all-time record for pinch hits with his 151st Oct. 6. Sunday, Dave Hansen broke Mota’s Dodgers’ franchise record when he singled in the ninth for his 107th pinch hit as a Dodger. ... And finally, this one will make anyone who follows baseball, er, laugh. In talking about his early days in Seattle, Randy Johnson a.k.a. The Perpetual Glare, told Jack Etkin of the Rocky Mountain News: “I was probably as big a flake as anybody, trying to make everybody laugh.” No, seriously.

Shot and a jeer

Shot: How bad are the Devil Rays? Even if the season were to end Sept. 16 (this week’s strike date du jour) and we throw out the final 13 games of the season, they would still be on pace to lose 100 games (48-101).

Jeer: Writes the Chicago Tribune’s Rick Morrissey of the disappointing White Sox: “Right now, the Sox are as ugly as a driver’s license photo.”