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Sunday, March 10, 2002

Mark McGwire won't be coming to town this summer. Nor will the Cleveland Indians. PNC Park is no longer new. And the Pirates are coming off their sixth 100-loss season since 1900, not to mention their ninth consecutive losing year.

No surprise, then, that when single-game tickets went on sale March 2, the club sold fewer than half the 67,000 tickets it did the same day a year ago.

But have faith. While he has yet to work out his commission with Pirates director of marketing and broadcasting Vic Gregovits, The Guy In The Stands has found reasons for you to get out to the park this summer. And hard as you may find it to believe, none have to do with bobbleheads, fireworks (gasp!), booing Derek Bell, entering Carnegie Mellon's "Lobster Boy" in the pierogie races (as a pinch-hitter, of course) nor reprising Wednesday's cat fight between Paula and Tonya.

These actually deal with -- get this -- baseball. While PNC Park is about to enter the Terrible Twos, trades, free agency and the rotation of interleague matchups have created a season in which there will still be a slew of firsts, not the least of which will be the Pittsburgh debuts of:

Kazuhisa Ishii, Dodgers, April 23-25: Ishii, a pitcher who struck out four Braves in two innings in his spring debut Friday, is this year's chic Japanese import, following Kaz Sasaki (2000) and Ichiro Suzuki (2001). Will he be as good? The Dodgers have bet $25 million on it.

Tino Martinez, Cardinals, May 24-26, July 19-21, Aug. 12-15: With as slow as the rotation of interleague play has gone and bearing in mind the Pirates have not had a winning season since 1992 let alone sniffed a World Series, this might be as close as PNC Park fans get to seeing the current Yankees dynasty -- the 34-year-old first baseman The Boss sent packing to make room in the trophy case for Jason Giambi.

Alex Rodriguez, Rangers, June 21-23: Did you hear that Tiger Woods was not only the No. 1 golfer in the world in 2001 but also the No. 1 taxpayer in Shenzhen, China, as the result of $500,000 in income taxes he paid on a two-day exhibition in November? Question of the week: Will Mayor Murphy send a driver or will he go to the airport himself to pick up baseball's $252 million shortstop when he arrives to spend not two, but three, days here?

Josh Beckett, Marlins, Sept. 6-8: After going 2-2 with a 1.50 ERA and 24 strikeouts in 24 innings in a September callup, he's likely to create the sort of sensation throughout the NL not seen since Kerry Wood in 1998. And why will Pirates assistant GM Al Avila be trying to stifle a smile as Beckett strikes out Pat Meares for a fourth time on a Saturday night in September? Avila, assistant GM in Florida until January, drafted Beckett No. 1 in 1999 and nurtured his ascent through the minors. Note to Pirates fans: Remember to thank Al as you leave the park.

Mo Vaughn, Mets, Sept. 24-26: Club Elite will need to add a second shift when the gregarious 1995 AL MVP, who averaged 38 homers and 114 table dances a year from 1994-2000, comes to town as part of New York's amped-up lineup.

We'll stop there. If pressed, The Guy could come up with more. But he's still waiting to discuss that commission.

Ying and Yan

Tampa Bay closer Esteban Yan proved to be the exception to the comical rule this spring. While it was learned through stepped up governmental scrutiny of visa applications, for example, that Cleveland ace Bartolo Colon is 28 and not 26, and Atlanta's Rafael Furcal was actually 21 and not 19 when he won NL rookie of the year in 2000, Yan actually got younger. He is 26, not 27. Because players from foreign countries can't be signed until they are 16 or in some cases 17, some, such as Yan, who is from Campina del Seibo, Dominican Republic, will claim they are older.

"For me to be younger is better," said Yan, who posted a 3.90 ERA with 22 saves last season. "So if I was going to play 11 years, I could now play 12. That's simple." Simple. Yes. That would be a good way to describe that train of thought.

Wood-he do it?

It's not as if the Yan story is something new, nor confined to countries outside the 50 states. Orioles GM Syd Thrift told the Washington Post this week that when he was a scout for the Pirates in 1965, he came across a pitcher he really wanted. One problem: The pitcher was 26. "We all knew we wouldn't be able to sign him as a 26-year-old. But he was good, so we all agreed to say he was 22," Thrift said. The pitcher was Woody Fryman, who went on to pitch for 18 years and win 141 games, including 15 for the Pirates before being traded to the Phillies in 1968.

Better with age

Because Furcal was 21 and not 19 when he stole 40 bases in 2000, the distinction of most steals by a teen-ager reverts to Ty Cobb, who swiped 23 in 1906 at age 19.

Said Tampa Bay GM Chuck LaMar upon learning that pitcher Jesus Colome, acquired from Oakland in December, is 24 and not 21: "That 100 mph is just as hard to hit at 24 as it is at [21]."

When asked about trying to get another season out of his 42-year-old body, Tim Raines told the St. Petersburg Times: "I'm only 32 in the Dominican Republic."

Bud bite

The hot rumor of the week: Players will boycott the All-Star Game in order to "stick it to" Commissioner Bud Selig as negotiations over a new labor agreement seem destined to drag on throughout the season. The game is scheduled for July 9 at Miller Park in Milwaukee -- home of the Brewers, Selig's old team and the one daughter Wendy Selig-Prieb still runs. No player has gone on record to that effect, but one did acknowledge to Murray Chass of the New York Times that "There are a lot of players who would like to stick it to Bud."

Contracted contract

Not that this bit of contractual maneuvering will alter the balance of power in the NL East, but it is reflective of the bizarre off-season. Former Pirates outfielder Mark Smith signed a minor-league deal with Montreal that contained an invitation to the big-league training camp. However, you won't find Smith in Expos red-and-blue this spring. The contract contained a clause unique to the times. It read that if Manager Jeff Torborg went to the Marlins, Smith could void the deal. When Torborg followed Jeffrey Loria south during the ownership shuffle of the Red Sox, Expos and Marlins last month, Smith invoked the clause and signed with Florida. Brings back memories of Jim Leyland and John Cangelosi, doesn't it?

This 'n' that

Uniontown's Terry Mulholland is 39, but not the oldest pitcher in the Dodgers' camp. That distinction belongs to Jesse Orosco, 44, who likely will find a spot in the Los Angeles bullpen. "He'll be able to collect a pension and still draw a salary," Mulholland told Mike DiGiovanna of the Los Angeles Times. ... The legend grows for the Cubs' young fireballer Carlos Zambrano. In one seven-inning outing playing winter ball in Venezuela, Zambrano shattered eight opponents' bats. "They would look at me and say, 'What is that you're throwing?' This is the thing that God gave me." ... The Reds have commissioned four statues of franchise greats for Great American Ballpark -- Ernie Lombardi, Ted Kluszewski, Frank Robinson and Joe Nuxhall. No Big Red Machine?. ... It will be several weeks before many fans even realize another season is about to begin. Not so in Japan. Friday's exhibition game between Seattle and San Francisco -- the first American meeting between Suzuki and countryman Tsuyoshi Shinjo, new of the Giants -- was broadcast live in Japan.

Shot and a jeer

Should the Bud Selig & Co.-owned Expos win the World Series -- an event that most likely would coincide with an Arctic air mass moving through Hades -- would Selig present the world championship trophy to himself in October?