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Sunday, July 01, 2001

They'll "bob" up more this summer than Grand Funk Railroad on the rib & music festival circuit. They're hotter than Barry Bonds. And they have more personality than "The Weakest Link's" Anne Robinson.

And like all three, have you noticed you can't avoid them this season?

They're bobblehead dolls, and they're coming to a ballpark near you.

This week alone, for the price of a game ticket, several tanks of gas, a good road map and the occasionally required child (14 and under, of course), a bobble-dead-head could acquire a Magglio Ordonez doll at Comiskey Park (today), Derek Jeter at Yankee Stadium (tomorrow), Altoona Curve mascot Steamer at Blair County Ballpark (Tuesday), Al Kaline at Comerica Park (Wednesday), Rod Carew at the Metrodome (Friday) and Travis Fryman at Jacobs Field (Saturday).

And that's just this week.

Better than 1 million dolls will be produced for major- and minor-league teams this summer by Bensussen Deutsch & Associates of Woodinville, Wash., and Alexander Global Promotions of Bellevue, Wash., the two companies at collector's ground zero for the renaissance of the synthetic ceramic dolls with bobbing, spring-based head.

Most will be given away as part of promotions nights, including a major-league high seven by the Indians. The Pirates' lone bobblehead giveaway features Roberto Clemente Sept. 9.

It makes The Guy In the Stands wish that former Brooklyn pitcher Ed Head and dead-ball era infielder Dave Brain were still around. They'd seem to be natural bobblehead candidates. As would former White Sox outfielder Walt "No Neck" Williams and Phillies third baseman Willie "Puddin' Head" Jones.

Ones, though, we will see in the coming weeks include a giveaway of longtime Brewers announcer and baseball funnyman Bob Uecker July 29 at Miller Park -- it must belong in the front row-w-w-w -- and St. Paul (Minn.) Saints mascot Bacon the Pig on Sept. 2 "standing up in uniform looking like a player," says Malcolm Alexander, president of Alexander Global.

But, in a year when teams are making head room for everyone from Brady Anderson to Robin Yount, the David of bobbleheads belongs to the New Britain (Conn.) Rock Cats of the Eastern League. On July 22, they will give away the only "two-headed" bobble known to man. One head belongs to Rock Cats Manager Stan Cliburn, the other to Rock Cats pitching coach Stu Cliburn, Stan's twin brother.

"It's the year of the bobblehead. We thought, 'Man, imagine if we could do this thing.' How unique," said John Willi, New Britain's assistant general manager. "It would really stand out."

Now, The Guy knows what anyone over the age of 40 or fan of bad sci-fi movies is picturing: a cheesy Rosey Grier/Ray Milland, two-headed man sort of thing. Not so. For the record, the bobble will still have just one head. But two faces -- one looking one direction, one looking the other.

"It will have my No. 16 on the front," Stu told the Erie News Press, "and Stan's No. 33 on the back." Of course, if you talk to Stan, No. 33 will be on the front and No. 13 on the back.

"The pinnacle of different," Alexander says.

At least until the arrival of the bobble-hand doll, which, The Guy understands, was inspired by former Pirates third baseman Ed Sprague. Drop it 20 or 30 times a year and it still keeps working.

You gotta be kidding

It was a trade that just had to make any knowledgeable fan giggle. Out loud, even. Last Saturday, the Tigers found a taker in the Houston Astros for pitcher Dave Mlicki, who not only was 4-8 with a 7.33 ERA but had allowed an AL-worst 19 home runs in 81 innings. So who did they get in return? Jose Lima, who surrendered a major-league record 48 homers a year ago and said hello to his new team by allowing a game-tying homer to Carlos Beltran in the seventh inning of a 5-4 loss to Kansas City Wednesday.

Said Lima, who had been relegated to mop-up duty in the Houston bullpen after showing no signs of reversing his 7-16 record of 2000: "At least someone wanted me."

Which, The Guy believes, might be the revelation of the week.

Swing and a miss

To get a read on the kind of season it has been in Oakland is to read A's infielder Mario Valdez' medical file. Last month, Valdez strained a knee stepping off the team bus in Boston and wound up on the disabled list. Last Sunday, he was swinging a bat to loosen up in the clubhouse during a game against Texas ... and sustained a broken bone in his right hand that will require surgery. He'll miss the rest of the season. Some might say he's only following the lead of the rest of the club.

Graves moment

The Reds and Astros combined for a Houston-record nine home runs at Enron Field June 21 in Cincinnati's 8-7 win. No major-league game played in Houston from 1962-99 featured as many as eight, which Houston fans witnessed twice last season after the team moved into Ten-Run.

Yet that might not have been the night's strangest box score fact. For included among the nine home runs was one for Reds closer Danny Graves. Now, pitchers homering these days is hardly abnormal. Jason Schmidt even hit one Wednesday.

But when Graves homers, that's reason to call Mr. Ripley. Even moreso considering that Graves' only other hit in his six-year major-league career was also a home run. And also at Enron, May 12, 2000, off Mike Maddux.

"It was definitely weird," Graves told Chris Haft of the Cincinnati Enquirer. " ... In my other two at-bats this year, I couldn't even foul one off. I have no business being in the batter's box."

Citizen Rocker

A decade of progress down the drain. Just when things had begun to look up for the city of Cleveland, one of its citizens -- Joe S. of suburban Mayfield, Ohio, -- tells a reporter covering John Rocker's home debut at Jacobs Field Friday why he thought the recent trade for the embattled reliever was good. Exclaimed Joe S.: "I love this guy, he's one of us." The Guy can only assume his comments did not reflect the views of the Northeast Ohio tourism bureau.

The class Bell

Everyone probably realizes that Seattle's David Bell (.253, 7 HRs, 37 RBIs) has no business being the leading vote-getter at third base for the AL All-Star team that will be announced tomorrow. But he proved he's an all-star when it comes to class. Bell told the Seattle Post-Intelligencer Wednesday that he'd be willing to yield the starting spot to retiring legend Cal Ripken. "I'm a big fan of his," said Bell despite the fact he's never even made an all-star game let alone started in one. Equally classy, Ripken declined Bell's offer. "If the fans decide David Bell is the starter, he should be the starter. He should enjoy the opportunity and the experience."

Two-wheeler

In the 25-year history of the major leagues, Brooklyn's Babe Herman is the only player on record to have hit for the cycle twice in one season, doing so in 1931. That makes Hank Blalock's feat for the Class AA Tulsa Drillers this week all the more incredible. Blalock hit for the cycle twice in three days, doing so Tuesday and Thursday against Midland.

Series of the week

Phillies (45-34 before yesterday) at Braves (44-35), Tuesday-Thursday. ... Phillies held a tenuous one-game lead atop the NL East going into yesterday. The Braves had won seven of eight, including a sweep at The Vet this week; the Phillies had dropped 16 of 26 in June to squander most of the eight-game lead they held over Atlanta on June 1.

This 'n' that

Typical of John Burkett's season, he allowed one run on three hits in eight innings, lowered his NL-leading ERA to 2.35 and still got a no-decision in Atlanta's 4-1 win in 11 innings Tuesday vs. the Phillies. Said Braves Manager Bobby Cox: "He should be 15-2 by now with the way he's been pitching this season. He's truly an amazing story." Amazing, but still only 6-5. ... You'd expect to win any night you hit back-to-back-to-back home runs. Not in Detroit. Robert Fick, Juan Encarnacion and Shane Halter connected in succession off the Twins' Eric Milton last Sunday and lost, 14-5. The Tigers have now accomplished the feat 12 times in franchise history, but are only 8-4 in those games. ... Remember how adamant Cincinnati GM Jim Bowden was in his refusal to include second baseman Pokey Reese in the Ken Griffey Jr. deal 18 months ago? The Cincinnati Enquirer reported this week that Reese is on the block. ... Maybe it wasn't Yogi, after all, but the pinstripes. Yankees All-Star shortstop Derek Jeter turned 27 Tuesday. Observed Yankees Manager Joe Torre: "The thing that sticks out is how young he is, and continues to be young despite his birthday." ... The starting lineups for the All-Star Game will be announced tomorrow. ... How unlikely has been the comeback of Texas' Ruben Sierra? Sierra hit nine home runs in June. He hadn't hit nine in a season since 1996. A stat that says how truly great Tony Gwynn's 20-year career has been: Starting today, he would have to go hitless in 1,180 consecutive at-bats for his career average (.338) to drop below .300.

Shot and a jeer

Shot: It's a shame that John Rocker couldn't have had a better travel agent. The minority/gay/blue-haired-girl basher didn't arrive in Kansas City to join the Indians last Saturday until the eighth inning of a game in which the two teams wore throwback uniforms. More specifically ... Negro League throwback unis.

Jeer: The Guy wonders if the Cubs didn't spit tobacco juice in the eyes of the baseball gods Tuesday when they sent rookie Julio Zuleta to the minors. It was Zuleta, after all, who blessed the team's ailing bats with sunflower seeds and fresh produce in May and jumpstarted a 12-game winning streak (May 19-June 2) that vaulted them into first place in the NL Central. FYI: The Cubs have lost three of four without Zuleta's bat magic.

Box score lines of the week:

Penny's stuff was so good that no-hit teammate A.J. Burnett had to laugh in disbelief. "It was a little laugh and a little giggle," Burnett admits.

First stolen base since 1992. Who knew he still had one in him?

Allowed all four home runs in the span of 18 pitches in the fourth inning. "It makes you wonder, 'Can I still pitch?'" Burba wondered. On the brighter side, Dave, if it's so easy, how come only 19 pitchers in the history of baseball have managed to give up four homers in one inning?