Wednesday, October 01, 2003

There's a German word, schadenfreude, which means malicious rejoicing in the misery of others.

With the Boston Red Sox and Chicago Cubs in the baseball playoffs, a golden age of schadenfreude is, hopefully, upon us.

Both teams have built up a national sympathy because generations have come and gone without either winning a World Series. The Cubs last won in 1908, the Red Sox in 1918.

The much publicized coast-to-coast pity party aside, I believe I belong to a silent majority that hopes these teams continue to blow games at crunch time in the most hideous fashion possible.

Furthermore, the failings of each team has zilch to do with fate and more to do with grotesque mismanagement and/or relative non-use of ample funding since the free-agent era began three decades ago. The Red Sox are inept. The Cubs are playing a joke on their fans.

Has anyone seen "The Curse of the Bambino" on HBO? Seriously, anyone? Ben Affleck does a fine job narrating. It's his best work since "Gigli."

I don't believe in the "curse of the Bambino." I don't believe the Red Sox have been hexed since selling Babe Ruth to the New York Yankees in 1920.

I do believe in the curse of John McNamara, the Red Sox manager who had Bill Buckner play first base in the ninth inning of Game 6 of the 1986 World Series because he wanted the gimpy, glove-challenged veteran on the field to celebrate the final out. A final out that never came.

I do believe in the curse of Ted Williams, who hit a meager .200 with zero extra-base hits in his only World Series in 1946.

I do believe in the curse of Fenway Park, an oddly built stadium that often makes pitching all but meaningless and turns many games into a crapshoots.

I also believe the Red Sox, with a generous $105 million payroll this year, have been victims of chronic underachievement in the clutch, not some voodoo hoodoo. This postseason will be no exception.

I also believe somebody's going to jump off the top of the Green Monster. Maybe Ben Affleck.

The Red Sox have the best offensive lineup in baseball and play in a park that emphasizes hitting. But you can bet they'll find a way to choke, hopefully in a style deserving of another HBO special.

My elimination of choice would be losing to the Yankees in the American League Championship Series, either in a quick, clean four straight or in a painful, carrot-dangling seven.

This would enable Boston, the world capital of self-loathing, to do what it does best: Feel inferior to New York.

And then maybe next season Red Sox slugger Manny Ramirez can realize his dream of playing for the Yankees, something he actually discussed out loud this year even as the Red Sox paid him $17.2 million.

I think most Bostonians would rather keep the "curse of the Bambino" going. The suffering makes them feel alive. And it's the only way some anonymous dweeb from Dorchester can get on HBO. Same for Denis Leary these days.

Cubs fans feel the same way. They enjoy being martyrs. What they don't understand is that they're suckers, too. The Cubs are owned by the Tribune publishing company, which not only guarantees them favorable newspaper coverage but also, in theory, provides them with big-time financial backing.

Notice I say "in theory," because Cubs ownership is mostly tightfisted with the cash, secure in the knowledge that landmark destination Wrigley Field will sell out regardless of the quality of the team.

Oh, the Cubs do keep stars like Sammy Sosa. But until this year, with the signing of manager Dusty Baker, they really haven't shown the willingness to spend what's necessary to put the team over the top. The team's payroll this season is $86.5 million, which ranks only 12th in Major League Baseball.

Cubs fans rejoice over the team's National League Central Division title, their first division flag since 1989. But it should really happen a lot more often.

Cubs fans are a lot more tolerable than their Boston counterparts. Cubs fans don't do gloom and doom. They do the "lovable loser" shtick.

It's a shame they can't bottle that, because Pirates management would certainly like to put it in the water supply around here. Maybe attendance at PNC Park wouldn't be plummeting despite a battling team that deserves a lot more respect than it gets.

Longtime fan Bill Murray once said he never wanted to see his Cubs win the World Series because "if the Cubs win, what do I do next year?" Where, philosophically, does that leave Pirates fans?

I would love the see the Cubs eliminated by the San Francisco Giants in the National League Championship Series. Barry Bonds puts Sosa in his place, Felipe Alou puts Baker in his.

In conclusion: Go, Barry! Get that ring, baby! I know I'm in the vocal minority on that one. So what? What are you going to do, call the schadenfreude police?

Mark Madden is the host of a sports talk show from 3 to 7 p.m. weekdays on WEAE-AM (1250).

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