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Thursday, April 17, 2003

Thanks to Fox Sports Net's "Beyond the Glory" profiling Mark Cuban this Sunday, we learn even more about Mt. Lebanon's own boy billionaire.

We learn, for instance, he was once a bad movie actor. Read that any way you like.

"Talking About Sex" isn't available on video or DVD, a rather telling fact, although the director neither confirms nor denies the possibility that he burned every single tape. "Variety" positively gushed over this Kim Wayans flick: "sexual jawfest," "[an] obviously low-budget production," and "doesn't add up to an earth-moving experience." Somebody once called it an art film, but art is in the eye of the beholder. Same for the film part.

Cuban at the time had already earned his first million with MicroSolutions and scratched off on his lifetime wish list, "Move to Hollywood, Act in Movies." Well, he scratched off the Hollywood goal, anyway. In this production, he played the role of a Macho Mark, who uttered such lines as: "You're not going to be able to [have relations] with that girl," and "I beat the [spit] out of him."

He doesn't spew as much invective toward NBA refs from his seat behind his Dallas Mavericks' bench, and I should know, because I've sat next to him.

Cuban, in a quickie e-mail interview yesterday, defended against anyone who depicts "Talking About Sex" as soft porn, which is how Fox Sports Net types spin it. "No T&A at all," he wrote (for the unwashed, that means Trades and Acquisitions). "Had real actors in it."

Sure, like Michael Columbo, Joe Richards, Chris Stransky, Jules Mandel, Sylvia Saxon and Selma Benjamin, all listed in the credits around him. And Wayans' co-star was one Daniel Beer, although I'm betting he made up the Daniel part as a stage name. Believe it or not, this 87-minute, not-suitable-for-even-cable movie was produced by a Gary Bettman, but not that one. No clutching or grabbing here.

"Hey, it was fun to try and do," Cuban wrote. "Chalk it up as a great experience."

We also learn from this "Beyond the Glory" episode, premiering at 8 p.m. Sunday, that after earning his first billion he still hasn't learned to avoid movies and television.

His HDNet is a good idea. His 2929 Entertainment, formed with fellow Indiana University buddy and Broadcast.com partner Todd Wagner, has produced Robert De Niro's "Godsend" (due in theaters in October). Even the company's purchase of all rights to "Hogan's Heroes" and "Sex in the City" re-runs isn't such a bad business decision.

But "Star Search?"

Oh, man, why didn't you just spend the money on more NBA fines?

"You have me to blame for Arsenio," Cuban wrote, "who I think is great on the show."

Yeah, and Shawn Bradley always eats Shaquille O'Neal's lunch.

This "Beyond the Glory" episode is nevertheless an hour of mostly Pittsburgh fun, whether you know Cuban's life story or not. Many of his Scott/Mt. Lebanon friends -- Steve Rosen, Todd Reidbord and Jerry Katz -- along with his brothers and parents, are interviewed. Embarrassing photograph after embarrassing photograph gets displayed, showing a pudgy, mop-headed Jewish kid with window-thick plastic glasses.

Give the episode's producers credit. The Cubans offered them probably more access than any other media outlet to date, but the producers didn't duck the dark times. They talk about the bar that he owned in Bloomington, Ind. The place twice closed over legal problems. They talk about the one computer course he took at IU -- and cheated to pass. They try to air a detractor's side, using sportscaster Bob Costas to criticize that it's time for Cuban to slip into the background and allow his Mavericks to become stars.

The thing is, Cuban has avoided David Stern's doghouse this season and somewhat faded into the second row. At least, he hasn't worked any Dairy Queens yet.

One last issue that the show addresses: His courtship of the Penguins in their bankrupt summer. He says on camera, After a lot of conversation, it came down to 'Why don't you be a good little investor and give us your money.' There was just not a match to be made. So I went on. Given the franchise's current financial straits, does he ever wonder about owning the Penguins now and steering them into a new building -- as he has successfully done with the playoff-perennial Mavericks?

"Haven't given it a thought," he wrote.

We'll try to do the same with Cuban's career as a serious ack-tour.

Remote notes

For the record, WBGG-AM, WEAE-AM and Fox Sports Net broadcast live Pitt's Jamie Dixon news conference Tuesday. As they should.

They didn't get enough advance notice to do the same with the Penguins' Rick Kehoe news conference. Wonder if those media-savvy types at 66 Lemieux Place waited until Pitt scheduled its news conference so they could sneak their firing under a media radar focused on Dixon.

Definition of a basketball town: Two Kansas City, Mo., TV stations aired Roy Williams' North Carolina unveiling live in prime time Monday.

Masters ratings showed that 34.5 million viewers -- the third-most of all time for a final round -- also appreciated commercial-free TV.