The following poem was written by 14-year-old Diane Durkin about her 17-year-old brother, Michael, whose mental illness sometimes makes him violent and has gotten him in trouble with the law.
Sibling rivalry.
It's there.
It's everywhere.
But not in my house.
Not anymore.
I have a brother,
and we have our little disagreements,
but in my family,
I have to keep them to myself.
See, my brother has Asperger syndrome.
He has been in and out of placement since he was 13.
He has been to juvenile hall several times.
And he is only 17.
He has these outbursts, and he gets really mad.
He throws things, and breaks things,
and he punches holes in the wall.
It's really scary to see him like that.
He can be so sweet.
I can hardly remember the cute, innocent brother I once had.
He takes all kinds of medication to control himself.
And it makes him really hungry.
He gained almost 100 pounds from his medication.
That means that he is not very cute anymore.
He does not look very nice either.
He is very big and kind of scary looking.
That's part of the reason why he has no friends.
See, I am one of those people who is always busy.
Hanging out with friends,
participating in sports,
going to parties.
He does not do any of that.
He never really got to have a teen life.
I always feel bad, because these are my best years,
and he never had them.
It makes me cry sometimes,
to think that he is going to be like this forever.
It makes me think of a lot of things.
It makes me think of how lucky I am,
and how grateful I should be.
All I want to do is give him a regular life.
Let him enjoy himself.
Let him have fun.
But I cannot.
I've realized all I can do is be there for him,
and respect him for living through all that he has.
And throughout all this,
I have also learned to keep my mouth shut.
I let him pick what we do.
I let him sit in front.
I let him pick the music.
Because he does not have a choice in much else.
One day,
I hope he can get married.
I hope he can have his own family.
I hope he can live on his own.
I hope he does not end up in jail.
And I hope he knows I love him more than anything.
