After all these years, you would think the Port Authority and its well-paid employees would know how to run a railroad -- specifically, the light-snail transit system.
Called the T (for troublesome?), it operates in the Downtown subway and through other parts of the city into the South Hills, purportedly as an example of modern public transportation intended to lure drivers from cars, provide convenient service, boost business and community morale, save the planet, etc.
In the past two years, the Port Authority has been trying hard to improve its image. Riders are now called customers, who are bombarded with advertising, newly painted buses with swirls and swooshes and other promotions, all designed to advance a "gold standard of service."
However, some of the glitter is lost on the T.
Take July 17, a sweltering Saturday when 43,299 attended a Pirates-Cleveland game at Three Rivers Stadium, and tens of thousands of other people turned up for events that included the Dollar Bank Jamboree at Point State Park and the Pittsburgh Blues Festival at Station Square.
Rich and Roberta Zelenko and their daughters, Sarah, 10, and Malena, 7, drove to the South Hills Village Park-and-Ride from their home in Peters, paid $9 for all-day transit passes, rode the T to Downtown and walked to Three Rivers Stadium for the game. "We thought it would be easier than fighting traffic and parking," Roberta said. "The trip to town was great. It only took 35 minutes."
But after the game, friends who drove here from Cleveland beat them home. Here's how Roberta Zelenko described the family's 2 1/2-hour transit nightmare: "When we got to Gateway Station, we waited in a crowd for 15 minutes before someone on the loudspeaker said there was a problem, but a train would arrive momentarily.
"Twenty minutes later, a train showed up, but it was so full that only a few people were able to get on. By this time, people were backed up the station steps. After another 20 minutes, the guy on the loudspeaker said that another train would arrive momentarily.
"In another 15 minutes, this trolley backed into the station on the outbound track, stopping where some people waiting the longest didn't get on. We managed to squeeze in near the front door. The train pulled away, but only far enough so the back was even with the end of the station before it stopped.
"We stood there 25 minutes without moving. We overheard on the radio that something fell onto the tracks. When I asked the driver why he didn't tell everybody, he said he didn't have a loudspeaker.
"When he finally pulled out, nobody was expecting it. People standing fell into each other. When somebody yelled, 'Thanks for the warning, you jerk!,' the driver stopped and said he's not going anywhere if people call him names.
"I can appreciate that things happen. I wouldn't be happy, but I would understand. But don't tell me another car is coming when it isn't. If we knew there was a problem, we would have gone to eat. Can't the drivers communicate? Doesn't anyone know what's going on? What is so hard about telling people?"
Roberta Zelenko took the arm of a young blind man and assisted him until he left at Mt. Lebanon Station. She was unable to aid the crying, mentally challenged teen-age girl who failed to make it off the trolley at the same stop as her mother because the operator closed the doors.
The operator did get out of his seat at the next station, go outside, point the girl to the inbound platform and tell her to take the next trolley to rejoin her mother.
The Zelenkos wondered what kind of an impression the Port Authority made on several dozen Indian fans on the same trolley, heading back to the Sheraton Hotel Station Square. They know what their girls thought of the ride: "Horrible!"
To the authority's credit, everybody's outbound ride was free. "That helped ease the anger," Roberta Zelenko said.
So, Mr. Know-it-all, where did the Port Authority go wrong? Let me count the ways.
1. Sixteen vehicles were in service, only three more than regularly scheduled Saturday service, and none ran as two-car trains. The authority needs to provide more capacity and more frequent service on big event days and nights.
2. Two mechanical problems occurred. A trolley snagged and pulled down an overhead power line at 2:40 p.m., so power had to be shut off to fix the line. Later, a trolley derailed. Full service wasn't restored until 7:30 p.m. Since repair crews don't work on weekends, personnel had to be called out on their day off. The authority needs a better contingency-emergency plan.
3. Customer service representatives who normally handle public address announcements and who program electronic message boards at T stations work weekdays only until 7 p.m. The authority needs better communications on weekends and holidays, especially when visitors and conventions are in town. The authority is, after all, part of the fabric that makes or breaks Pittsburgh.
4. Cash fares are a time-consuming nuisance. The authority needs trailer-mounted kiosks parked outside subway stations to provide customer information and to sell ride tickets.
5. While some T operators do great public relations, others exude misery, rudeness and inconsideration. Operators need to be Port Authority and Pittsburgh goodwill ambassadors and realize that's half the reason they're supposed to be deserving of their $19-an-hour wage.
Port Authority said July 17 was an exception, not the rule, in the T's performance. During the past 12 months, spokesman Bob Grove said, the T has experienced only six incidents that caused systemwide delays of 15 or more minutes, and only seven incidents that caused minor, localized delays of less than 15 minutes.
Things are supposed to get better, now that the authority has hired a $94,000-a-year light-rail boss from Dallas. His name is Steve Banta and his title is manager of rail delivery service.
Deliver us. Please.
Send your transportation questions, complaints and suggestions to Joe Grata, c/o The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, or e-mail him at jgrata@post-gazette.com. Include address and phone number.