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Sunday, February 23, 2003

By Steve Ziants, Post-Gazette Sports Writer

In a week in which 35 million people tuned in to see which greedy woman would have the dollar signs bolo-punched from her eyes by Joe the Deceiver, and networks went head-to-head to see which had the better dish on the cartilage content of Michael Jackson's nose, the epochal Hideki Matsui story took its right and proper place in the celebrity-crazed universe.

Clout a winning home run, did he? Make a pilgrimage to Ground Zero? Party with Derek Jeter?

Uh, no.

He took (drum roll, please) batting practice. Fifty-one left-handed swings Tuesday afternoon as the Yankees held their first full-squad workout. There also are reports, while unconfirmed, that he -- get this -- played catch in the outfield.

And to record/analyze/be there in the event he turned water into wine on this momentous day, 13 newspapers, two wire services and six television stations from Matsui's native Japan swelled the usual Big Apple media horde to more than 200 -- better than half of it Japanese. And, if we're to learn from Ichiro-mania, this was only the beginning. The packarazzi will be with him all the way into October.

To get an idea of how big of a story he is -- bigger even than Ichiro -- the TV stations employed valuable satellite time to send live feeds of his 51 meaningless swings back to Japan, where it was 1:45 a.m.

This is, after all, Godzilla (Matsui's nickname). "He's Michael Jordan over there," says teammate Jason Giambi, who played against Matsui on a major-league barnstorming tour to Japan in November. "He's a national treasure."

One gravely serious Japanese reporter asked Manager Joe Torre where Matsui was going to bat in the always crucial first intrasquad game. And one of the TV stations wanted to know if it would be possible to mount a high-definition camera about the center-field fence. The better, it seems, to see the movement on those wicked batting practice fastballs.

Apparently, plenty of American fans wanted to see him, too. Attendance for the Yankees' first workout was 2,534 -- nearly twice the crowd that showed up last year for Day 1 and about eight times the 300 or so fans who turned out to watch the Pirates' first full workout Thursday in Bradenton.

The incredible buzz is why the Yankees were willing to send their luxury tax payment further into the stratosphere in order to pay him $21 million over three years. It's why they gave him -- a rookie despite the 332 home runs he hit in 10 Japanese League seasons -- the starting left-fielder's job as well as a clause in his contract that stipulates he cannot be sent to the minors or traded without his consent.

It's why, as Bob Klapisch of the Bergen (N.J.) Record writes, "the Yankees are more than just a baseball team. They're an empire."

So stay tuned. Next week: Hitting the cut-off man as it relates to dealing with NATO.

Who let the writers out?

The Padres are despicable. A curse on their house, in fact, for that which they've made us do. Their new ballpark does not open until next spring, but by accepting a $60 million, 20-year naming rights deal from San Diego-based pet store chain Petco, the Padres have made too great the temptation for writers with a litter of bad jokes and a panting willingness to use them. Who can wait until 2004? Already, one punny Chicago writer has declared Petco Park -- The House that Woof Built -- his favorite major-league stadium. Wrote another from Seattle: "The Padres hope Petco Park will give them a leg up on the National League West."

Yukkety-yuk-yuk!

Club top dogs have done nothing to discourage this national run on bad-dog humor, even encouraging employees to bring their pets to the Petco announcement. Proclaimed Petco President Brian Devine: "[The naming rights deal] has been one of my pet projects."

Ah, cut it out! You're killin' The Guy.

But not before he unleashes the pet-dream lineup that deserves to run onto the Petco field opening day 2004 just as the final notes of Snoop Dogg's version of the national anthem fade away:

OF: Ducky Medwick, Ken "Hawk" Harrelson, Dave "The Cobra" Parker; 3B: Jiggs Parrott; SS: Rabbit Maranville; 2B: Pug Bennett; 1B: Andres "The Cat" Galarraga; C: Johnny Peacock; LHP: Harvey "The Kitten" Haddix; RHP: Robin Roberts. Manager: Birdie Tebbetts. And in the booth, coming out of hibernation to do the play-by-play ... Jim "The Possum" Woods.

Of course, what this deal also ensures is that when the Padres finally get around to holding Enzo Hernandez Bobblehead Day in 2024, "Who Let The Dogs Out" will still be with us. Ow-w-w-w-ooooo!

Chance of a lifetime

Glassport's Scott Seabol has just one big-league at-bat, and that came nearly two years ago. But the fact that The Guy even had reason to talk with Seabol this week is worth mentioning. When you were an 88th-round draft choice as Seabol was in 1996 and you're now going into your eighth professional season, that says things about a player that statistics never will.

"That's one of the things that I'm most proud of," said Seabol, 27, a third baseman who is in camp with the Brewers on a minor-league contract after spending seven years in the Yankees' system looking up at the likes of Scott Brosius, Robin Ventura and Drew Henson.

There are no all-stars ahead of him this spring. Wes Helms and Keith Ginter, castoffs from the Braves and Astros, respectively, are 1-2 on the depth chart at third. But he also expects to see time at first base and left field.

"Coming into spring training and realizing there is an opportunity, that is exciting," says Seabol, who has been a run producer at every level in the minors, including 15 homers and 68 RBIs at Class AAA Columbus in 2002. "In Yankee camp, you had to go out and do something special because there were all-stars ahead of you."

Needless to say, he doesn't have that problem with the Brewers.

Losers and losers

Sometimes it just doesn't pay to win. For the seventh year in a row, owners posted a winning record in arbitration (5-2), yet will give raises of 90 percent to the five players they "defeated." That works out to an average raise of $1.57 million to "losers" Carlos Beltran, Javier Vazquez, A.J. Burnett, Vladimir Nunez and Bruce Chen. About the only thing that figure beats is the average salary bump of $2.46 million given to winners Freddy Garcia and Mark Redman.

Just in case

Here's guessing that "Kangaroo Jack" has a better chance of being on Oscar's short list next year. In signing former Pirates Todd Ritchie and Keith Osik, the Brewers caved in after some obviously hardball negotiations and included in their contracts incentive clauses that pay them a bonus ... for being named World Series MVP. Why not just go all the way and include a clause that gives them time off with pay in the event Julia Roberts comes to her senses and wants to run off to Pago Pago with one of them.

This 'n' that

With the Astros facing a projected $15 million loss this season, GM Gerry Hunsicker could be looking to trade high-priced Billy Wagner and move Octavio Dotel into the closer's role if rookie Brad Lidge shows he's ready to be the setup man. ... Scary thought for the day: 6-foot-10 Randy Johnson, who already appears as if he's delivering a fastball from a second-floor balcony, showed up to Diamondbacks camp after working with pitching guru Tom House in the off-season and reported that "he showed me I could get six or seven more inches out of my height and my delivery." ... The first vote of the revamped Hall of Fame veterans committee will be announced Wednesday. A popular choice would be former Cubs third baseman Ron Santo. ... Looking ahead: The Cubs and new manager Dusty Baker open their Cactus League season Thursday against Baker's old team, the Giants. ... The Reds will experiment this spring using Adam Dunn, who hit a combined 51 home runs in 2001, in the leadoff spot. ... The Reds likely will give Jimmy Haynes the start when they open Great American Ballpark vs. the Pirates March 31. ... Finally, Pirates single-game tickets go on sale March 8.

Shot and a jeer:

Shot: Tight-fisted Charlie Comiskey, of all people, would understand the White Sox's motivation behind selling out the Comiskey Park name to Cellular One -- money.

Jeer: Hmmmm! So Barry Bonds didn't know he needed surgery on his elbow in December? Sounds like he and Shaq have the same doctor.