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PrintDEAR CAT: I'm curious as to your thoughts on this issue. Our maid dresses very well, which I appreciate, but she drives a nicer car than we do. I know it sounds like I'm a snob, but it's not about that. We get basic cleaning service three times per week, and I know we pay quite well compared to others. The point is, even if she had 10 clients who pay what we pay, she still shouldn't be able to afford her car, and this concerns me. I don't want anyone working for us who might be into illegal activity. Should I bring this up with her, let her go and find someone else, or just ignore it? -- CONCERNED FOR MY HOME
Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
34 Blvd. of the Allies
Pittsburgh, Pa. 15222
DEAR CONCERNED: Your assumption about her isn't snobby. It's irrational. Just because she cleans houses doesn't mean she's in dire straits, just as having the means to hire a maid doesn't mean you're rich. How much do you really know about her? Maybe her husband makes a fine living or she day-trades or has family money or strips or waits tables at night (in my waitressing days I could make more than a month's car payment in a few hours) or any number of completely legal possibilities. If she's a good housekeeper and her car is the only reason you're uncomfortable, just ignore it or ...
CAT'S CALL: Buy a nicer one.
DEAR CAT: I've been married for six years but have been with the same individual for 17 years. We also have a 10-year-old child. This past spring I became attracted to one of my spouse's colleagues, and we began having an affair. This man is also married and has two young children. Originally we saw each other at his place when his spouse was away on business, but eventually we started meeting in broad daylight and even at night. We always meet when he has time, and I'm supposed to drop everything and go running. Is this fair? I don't think so. I just got a message from him saying we're on a temporary break. He swears his spouse knows nothing about us, but I'm not so sure. More than once I've thought about ending the affair, but I am getting satisfaction I don't get at home, and the same is true for him. What should I do? -- ILLICIT ROMANCE
DEAR ROMANCE: Extramarital affairs are so inconvenient, aren't they? It's completely unfair that you have to drop whatever you're doing and race around just to cheat on your husband (sorry, I mean your "individual.") It doesn't sound like you've found satisfaction, it sounds like you've found drama and perhaps for you they're the same thing. That's understandable because life can be boring, but instead of seeing your husband's colleague, try seeing a therapist. You need to figure out why you haven't ended the affair despite having the inclination to do so. You need to determine why you've stayed with the same man for 17 years despite being unsatisfied. And you really need to understand the most important point ...
CAT'S CALL: A marriage can last forever. Affairs never do.
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