MIAMI -- Ask Brian, a Fort Lauderdale, Fla., surgeon, about his pending divorce and his voice will rise as he describes how his wife decimated his life and how he has fought to keep his kids close by. The battle, after 11 years of marriage and three children, has consumed his energies, crept into his conversations and occupied his thoughts at work.

Efforts are under way to make the divorce process and custody fights less destructive, a big issue because hostile breakups hurt both parties and affect their jobs.

The recession has introduced a new sticking point requiring action. More often now, a parent might want to relocate to take a job or to live with family out of economic necessity.

Every state has its own guidelines for divorce-related relocations, with judges using 37 different factors. From the symposium, the American Bar Association is considering the creation of a unified process for all courts to use in ruling on relocation.

Even as the national divorce rate declines, couples who do wind up filing most often participate in a protracted and adversarial process that disrupts their home lives and interferes with their work performance.

During the past decade, with more women in higher-paying jobs, the rules of divorce have changed. Shared custody is the norm, and men are fighting harder for their financial rights. Men no longer automatically shoulder the burden of financial support. Even more, women's salaries and job responsibilities weigh heavily in divorce proceedings.

Money and children tend to be at the center of disagreements. In Florida, where high-conflict divorce suits are on the rise, a parent coordination statute was approved in October, aiming to take arguments over education, religious upbringing, sports participation and other disagreements out of the courts. A parenting coordinator would assist the former couple in creating a plan for such decisions.

"I try to help people get grounded so they don't feel like a judge is making decisions for their children," said Allyson Tomchin, a Hollywood, Fla., parenting coordinator/family mediator who has turned to humor by offering a comedy class to educate people on divorce.

The proportion of Americans who are married has been declining for decades and is lower than it has been in at least half a century, according to Pew Research. Nevertheless, divorce is still seen as a viable option, with more than 60 percent of Americans now believing it is preferable to staying in an unhappy marriage.

Families are going to continue to separate, Mr. Karpf says. "Our goal is to minimize the suffering."

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