Q. My 3-year-old son has just discovered spitting, and he does it every time he's angry. We haven't had a problem with other things like hitting or biting but I cannot get him to stop spitting. Help!

A. Like biting and hitting, spitting is a way some children attempt to vent their frustration or anger. Often it's because they're not yet aware of their emotions, or not yet equipped with language skills and the kinds of anger management strategies that would help them manage the situation.

And, of course, spitting is also a sure-fire parental attention-getter.

We suggest that you help your son learn appropriate ways to handle his anger. Explain that it's OK to be angry -- everyone gets angry -- but it is not OK to spit. Teach him to identify his feelings and then use his words to express anger. You might say, "I know you're angry because Mommy said it's time to put away your blocks." You can also teach him strategies to calm himself -- for example, taking a deep breath, counting to 10 or singing a favorite song. He might like to draw a picture about how he feels. When the picture is done, you can discuss it with him as a way to help him process his feelings and come up with solutions for the next time he's angry.

We also suggest that you address the attention-seeking aspect of spitting by removing the "shock value." Stay calm. You might take your little boy to the bathroom sink and say, "This is the place you can spit; the way we do when we brush our teeth."

We hope you'll remember that it's always key for parents to model appropriate behaviors. So, when you're angry and your son is around, talk through what you're feeling and how you're coping. As he sees you use anger management strategies on a day-to-day basis, he'll become more likely to do that, too.

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