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PrintQuestion: My daughter, 5, started kindergarten this year. She is our youngest of three children and has always played well with her two sisters (7 and 9). But I watched her with the other children today and she was very shy. The teacher said she is usually shy. Is this typical?
Answer: Yes, for many children this is typical -- about 50 percent of all adults describe themselves as shy, and shyness generally begins in childhood. Even for kids who play well with siblings, being in a classroom of 20 or more children can be challenging.
We suggest that you work with your daughter's teacher, and develop some strategies that can help your child feel more comfortable with her peers. Here are a few things you and the teacher might consider:
• During activities, pairing your daughter up with a more outgoing peer.
• Providing opportunities for your child to be a "teacher's helper" -- for example, enlisting your daughter's help in supporting other students during group work.
• Involving your child in small-group activities where sheer numbers of other children won't be an issue.
• Occasionally focusing a regular classroom activity on issues in which your child has special interest or knowledge. For example, if she likes cats, perhaps she could have a role in a science lesson about cats.
Along the way, we hope that both you and the teacher will keep this in mind: It's important not to single your daughter out for tasks and activities. Kids are smart enough to recognize, and human enough to resent, special treatment, and drawing attention to your child's shyness would be counter-productive.
We think that, with a little time and encouragement, your daughter may become more able to reach out to her peers. She may always be somewhat shy, but that doesn't have to be a barrier to success in life. Just look at well-known people said to be shy: historic figures like Thomas Jefferson and Eleanor Roosevelt, and contemporary celebrities like Carrie Underwood and Brad Pitt.
The 4 Kids Early Learning Network, a program of Heritage Community Initiatives, has gathered more than 100 columns plus family activities and health information into a book: "Raising Your Young Child in the Real World." Order with a check for the $7.95 shipping/handling fee to Heritage Community Initiatives, 820 Braddock Ave., Braddock 15104, or call 412-351-0535 to use a credit card. For advice, e-mail: questions@4kidsearlyed.org, or mail to Heritage.
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