Burying loved ones is never easy, but Shelly Frankel has a dilemma more unusual than most.

Mrs. Frankel's mother, Roberta Tobin, 81, is in hospice care with inoperable cancer. She wants to be buried when the time comes in the Star of David section of Homewood Cemetery in Point Breeze with her husband and son, who died 43 years apart, both of heart disease.

But her husband is not buried at Star of David. He's at Poale Zedeck Cemetery in Richland, owned and operated by the Orthodox congregation of the same name in Squirrel Hill. Rabbi Yisroel Miller, who was head rabbi at Paole Zedeck but has since moved away, decided last year that moving the remains would violate Jewish law.

The family filed last week for a court order to compel an exhumation, but whether a civil court will want to wade into the separation of synagogue and state remains to be seen. Meanwhile, after a yearlong stalemate, the family and congregation are talking again about a possible solution.

"We are still in middle of discussions," associate Rabbi Ari Goldberg said yesterday. "I will probably have more to say [today]."

The family doesn't know how much longer Mrs. Tobin has, said Mrs. Frankel.

"She's fading, so time is of the essence. I want to have it resolved so she knows she'll be together with my dad and brother."

Mrs. Tobin's husband, Howard Tobin, died suddenly in 1965 at age 45 leaving no instructions for his burial. His wife was overwhelmed with four young children at the time, so her husband's brothers offered to make the funeral arrangements. They chose Poale Zedeck because their father was a member, although Howard Tobin was not.

The Richland site proved too far and difficult for his widow to visit as often as she liked. So when her son, Steven, died in July 2008 at age 51 with no wife or children, she had him buried in the Star of David section, five minutes from her Squirrel Hill home. She also bought two additional plots there for her husband, whom she intended to move at her own expense, and herself. Not long afterward, she was diagnosed with cancer.

After the rabbi's ruling, the family appealed to the congregation's board of directors. They voted to uphold his decision.

"We had no idea this would be a problem," said Mrs. Frankel, who described the family as Reform Jews. "We respect halacha [Jewish law], but we are not Orthodox and never were. We don't believe my father ever intended to be buried in an Orthodox cemetery because no plots were purchased there before his death."

Rabbi Miller now lives in the Canadian city of Calgary and did not want to speak directly to the Tobin case, saying it would not be fair to Poale Zedeck since he's no longer there.

But in general, he said, "Jewish law considers the removal of a dead body to be a form of desecration, permissible only under exceptional circumstances."

For example, he said, a body might be moved if it is not buried in a Jewish cemetery, say in war time; if the grave has been or is about to be desecrated, perhaps due to eminent domain, construction or natural disaster like flooding; or if the deceased made a request before death to be buried one place and somehow wound up in another.

"But to exhume a body for the convenience or desire of the family, Jewish law does not permit that," Rabbi Miller said.

Joel Pfeffer, a Poale Zedeck board member and lawyer who is assisting the congregation in this matter, said they rely on the rabbi for interpretation of Jewish law.

"He evaluates the facts, applies the law and makes his decision," Mr. Pfeffer said. "No two cases are exactly the same.

"We're not trying to be mean. We have a duty to those buried in our cemetery to conduct affairs in accordance with Jewish law. That's an expectation anybody has when they purchase a plot."

Expectations may be different at Star of David, which is not a traditional Jewish cemetery. Situated in the midst of the predominantly Christian Homewood Cemetery, the section was set aside about a dozen years ago for marketing to the Jewish community. It has no rabbinic oversight to assure adherence to Jewish law. That has its pluses for less observant Jews who may have non-Jewish family members who could not be buried with them in a traditional cemetery.

Religions differ on exhumation. The Catholic church, for example, has no prohibition against reburial as long as it's done respectfully, said the Rev. Ron Lengwin, spokesman for the Diocese of Pittsburgh.

Traditional Jewish burial law is premised on the belief that the body retains its sanctity even after death. The deceased undergoes a ritual cleaning, is not left alone before burial, and is interred within 24 hours when possible. Embalming and cosmetics are prohibited. When an exhibit of plasticized Chinese corpses appeared at the Carnegie Science Center last year, some rabbis denounced it as a desecration.

Exhumations for any reason are rare. Stacy Kriedeman, spokeswoman for the state Health Department, said fewer than 10 a year occur in Pennsylvania. When they do, she said, all that's required is an application for a permit from the local registrar and written consent of the next of kin. However, nothing in the regulations says a cemetery must comply.

The state real estate commission also regulates cemeteries. But the statute exempts religiously run burial grounds, said Leslie Amoros, spokeswoman for the Pennsylvania Department of State.

Mrs. Frankel, who lives in Manor, Westmoreland County, contacted the state attorney general's office in hopes of finding a civil instrument to trump religious law. The attorney general's spokesman, Nils Frederikson, would not comment on an individual case but said that in broad terms, "if there is a potential violation, we look at ways to proceed. However, some issues are better resolved between the parties."

John Eddy, the family's attorney, filed papers asking Orphan's Court to determine whether the family has a right to rebury the deceased.

"The decision to allow a reinterment is based on the balance of equitable considerations," Mr. Eddy said. "The cases I've seen indicate that [religious] law is a consideration but needs to be taken on balance with other things like the best interest of the family."

He said he has not yet found a case where secular law overrode Jewish law on disinterment, "but that doesn't mean it's not there."

The family has not looked into the possibility of burying all three at Poale Zedeck.

Since he died, Howard Tobin's grave has been joined at Poale Zedeck by those of his parents, a brother and a sister.

But Steven Tobin is by himself, so Mrs. Frankel said her mother will be buried with him regardless.

"She doesn't want him to be all alone out there," said Mrs. Frankel.

"If we could ask my father, I'm sure he'd want the family to be together," she said.

"We're not going to drop this. I'm determined to fight to the bitter end if I have to, but if we win in court they could appeal and it could go on for years. I would really prefer to have the congregation change its position now, so that my mother knows she'll get her wish."

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