DEAR CAT: I have an almost-executive position at a very large company. The people in my department are terrific. Recently the wife of a colleague threw him a surprise party at a restaurant and she filmed it for their family Web page. The Web page is well-known in the company (it has great videos of their travels, etc.) and even though I wasn't drunk or acting odd I don't want executives seeing footage of me outside the office. I might be up for a big promotion and I am uncomfortable with that video out there for all the world to see. Can I ask them to take the video down? -- ON MY WAY UP

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DEAR ON: Yes, you can ask. But you'd be denying them the joy of sharing their family events as they always do. I understand your nervousness, but you weren't drunk, you didn't Xerox your butt and, unless you sang Happy Birthday a la Marilyn Monroe ...

Cat's Call: Chances are the world has no interest in that video.

DEAR CAT: I've been married for 13 years to a man who is mostly kind, funny and a good person. He's never hit me or our children, but he has a terrible temper. He has thrown objects at the wall, slammed doors off their hinges, etc. Four years ago I moved out and filed for divorce. After a few months we agreed to work on our marriage. That's when I discovered his affair with a much younger woman. I forgave him because I felt guilty for moving out. Lately, he's been acting angry again, like berating me in front of the kids. He rarely admits fault, instead everyone else has a problem and "doesn't learn from their mistakes." (He views my setting the dryer to "beep" as a mistake that needs corrected.) I walk on eggshells and I'm starting to regret spending the past four years trying to fix my marriage. Part of me wonders if I should keep trying? It is a scary thought to move on with my life because I do love him, but I think if he's unwilling to seek help, things will just get worse. What do you think? -- AT A CROSSROADS

DEAR CROSSROADS: First, let me remind you that I am not a doctor. Your husband's temper makes me very afraid for your family's safety. Yes, things will probably get worse and just think what "worse" means. Today it's the dryer setting, tomorrow it's a toy on the floor. At what point does he stop slamming doors and start slamming you or the kids? You already left once, now you're leaving again and still he won't seek help. If losing his wife and children isn't enough incentive to get help, that indicates a problem far beyond anger. I won't tell you to stay or go but I will say this ...

Cat's Call: He didn't cheat because you moved out.

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