My kitchen table ... How do I describe it?

It's antique and made of tiger-sawn oak. It's large -- big enough for 10, when the leaf is in. It's on casters, so it's easy to move when I have to clean underneath it.

The top has been worn by years of kids' elbows and dinner plates; I gave up a long time ago on tablecloths and place mats, because it was just easier to let them spill and wipe it up.

It has eight chairs, which for probably 15 years have needed seat pads. But, hey, they work.

It is homey and well-loved, the center of my family's universe.

And the biggest repository for messes you have ever seen.

Despite regular cleanup efforts, my big old kitchen table holds phone books, newspapers, mail (junk and otherwise), magazines, pens, erasers, paperclips, the napkin holder, spare parts that no one knows what to do with, and spare change.

Recipes, receipts, checkbooks, the kids' school binders. After grocery shopping, all the bags get plunked there and emptied, and cans and jars and boxes take up residence. Now that winter is coming, mittens and gloves will move in, too.

I'd be mortified to admit all of this but for two reasons: We do clean it off every day, for meals and for aesthetics, and you, dear reader, have a place like this somewhere in your house.

Even as I write this, a cleanup awaits me. I swear on my dog's furry head that the other day it was pristine.

"How does this happen?" I asked my husband, who is the best table cleaner in the house. He shook his head.

What is especially funny about it is that we live in the computer age, and yet I routinely have more paper on this table now than, say, 15 years ago. Every day there are 10 fliers in the mail and in the newspaper. Every magazine -- someday I'll get to them -- has 15 postcards in it and they all seem to leap onto the table. Each grocery receipt comes in three parts -- your purchase, your gas card total, a coupon.

Schools can no longer call you about anything. They send you a letter reminding you to check your online account.

"When I die, I guess you'll shove all of this in my coffin," I tell my husband.

Like that'll get rid of it.

Recently at my local grocery, there was a commotion at the lottery counter. I overheard someone saying, "She hit for $1,000!" A woman of a certain age had indeed won on a scratch-off ticket. She said she had never won more than $1. Everyone around was so happy for her.

Golden Corral restaurants will offer a free dinner buffet from 5 to 9 p.m. on Monday to military veterans and active service personnel as part of its Military Appreciation Monday. Representatives from Disabled American Veterans will be at the restaurants to take donations. More information on the organization is available at dav.org. Golden Corral has held the Military Monday event for nine years, raising $3.3 million for state and local DAV chapters.

Pat Harmon, of Baden, will get a visit from Chef Donatella Zampoli, former head chef of Michelin-star winner Mas del Suago in Italy, on Saturday to prepare dinner for four. Mrs. Harmon is a veteran -- and winner -- of many cooking contests. For this one, her recipe for Parmesan Porcini Dusted Chicken on Bella Pancetta Beans and Greens with Omelet Topping (the name alone will fill you up) took top prize in the 2009 Tuscany to You recipe contest, sponsored by Marchesi de' Frescobaldi winemakers. The recipe can be found at tuscanytonight.com.

South Side residents and Duquesne University students will gather for a Potluck Thanksgiving Dinner at 6 p.m. Nov. 17 at the neighborhood's Market House, at 1 South Bedford Square at South 12th Street. Duquesne's Commuter Affairs will provide the turkey, potatoes, stuffing and gravy; attendees need to bring a side dish to serve 10 people; Duquesne students are making desserts; and the South Side Community Council is bringing beverages.

RSVP by tomorrow: 412-519-7569 or chalf54@gmail.com.

The annual Pittsburgh Penguins Food Drive takes place at tonight's game against the New Jersey Devils at Mellon Arena; fans bring non-perishable items or donate for a chance at hockey prizes (pittsburghfoodbank.org).

Unitarian Universalist Church of the South Hills, 1240 Washington Road, will hold Sunnyhill to Go, a cafe and artisan gift shop, from 11 a.m. to 8 p.m. tomorrow and 9 a.m. to 2 p.m. Saturday. Homemade soup, chili, bread and dips to take home or freeze to stock up. Visit sunnyhill.org for details.

Smith College Club of Pittsburgh is holding its annual mammoth pecan sale to benefit scholarships. $9 plus postage. Call Ann Ostergaard, 412-488-8836.

Master barbecue Chef Rick Rodgers will be at Giant Eagle Market District Nov. 21, 11 a.m. to 1 p.m. Shadyside, and 2:30 to 4:30 p.m., Bethel Park (his free Thanksgiving class at the new Settlers Ridge store tomorrow is filled).

Heinz History Center, Strip District, will hold its second Heritage Holidays weekend from 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. Nov. 21 and 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. Nov. 22. Music, dancing, and food from 25 Western Pennsylvania ethnic groups. Call Terri Blanchette at 412-454-6411 or e-mail tsblanchette@hswp.org. Or visit heinzhistorycenter.org.

From WQED and PBS: "A Taste of History" continues at 1:30 p.m. Saturday. The series explores the roots of American cuisine, traveling through the 18th century with host Chef Walter Staib, a master of open hearth cookery. Recipes in the series are available in Chef Staib's "City Tavern Cookbook: Recipes from the Birthplace of American Cuisine" (RunningPress, $35). This may finally convince me to get a DVR.

Parents, Fizzy's Lunch Lab, a Web-based educational cartoon (Professor Fizzy and his friends battle Fast Food Freddy), launches on Monday at pbskidsgo.org. See a preview at pbskids.org/lunchlab.

From PASA West: Seasonal Vegetarian Prix Fixe Dinner at Kaya, 2000 Smallman St., Wednesday; Farm-City Banquet at Big Knob Grange, New Sewickley, Beaver County, Nov. 19. "A foodies gourmet feast of agricultural products," says PASA ($10 adults, $5 children age 10 and under, reserve by Saturday at 724-774-4978); Thanksgiving Local Market from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. Nov. 21 at Schwartz Market, 1317 E. Carson St., South Side, 412-431-5510. Local foods and gifts.

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