The memoir by former vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin, "Going Rogue," hits stores next week. If we were her kind of patriot, the kind who could be trusted with excerpts, we think they'd read something like this:

Page 16: For yet another morning of my triumphant career at Wasilla High School, I awoke, looked in the mirror, recited the Pledge of Allegiance, and said, "Girl, you've got too much going on to stick around this town. You should be somewhere exciting, where the breadth of your talents could be truly appreciated -- like Nome!" But the hustle and bustle of big-city life, with traffic lights and everything, was scary back then.

Page 78: I tingled all over when being sworn in as Wasilla mayor for the first time. I felt so proud, yet humbled, that my neighbors had trusted me with all that responsibility. Just imagine, little ole me, deciding which hockey team had the right to use the municipal rink on Saturday mornings! When I asked the town clerk what my clothing allowance was, her jaw just about dropped, like I'd asked her to turn down the thermostat in February. But hey, one thing you learn early in politics -- it never hurts to ask.

Page 149: I was in the middle of gutting the moose Todd killed out back when he came in grinning like a Russian watching Sputnik go up for the first time. He said with a wink, "Ya know, honey, I don't know how many kids you were thinking of having, but I don't see no point in stopping now. And don't worry about washing up, you rogue." I won't go into the details of what occurred next -- let's just say it was magical. Rough, but magical.

Page 212: The morning I decided to run for governor, I was gassing up the snowmobile, thinking of all the good things President Bush had done for the country. It occurred to me that he prepared for that office by becoming governor of a state with a broad expanse of acreage and a high percentage of people who aren't the sharpest hooks in the creel. I thought to myself: "Hey, my state's like that, only more!"

Page 248: You would have thought just once in months of campaigning that someone would have mentioned to me you can't drive to Juneau from anywhere else. What the heck kind of state capital is that? The job was a lot less attractive after learning I'd have to fly back and forth everywhere, but dang -- I'd already won. How would it look if I quit before finishing my term?

Page 290: Bristol asked me for the first time about how to handle things when boys want to get serious. It's funny how fast the kids grow up. Unfortunately, I was busy working on the pipeline project and had to ask her to see my scheduler, though she must have forgotten to do that. I don't think it makes me a bad mom, but in retrospect, I probably should have taken a few minutes when Bristol asked.

Page 315: I vividly remember the first time John McCain called me about the vice presidency. I started laughing and said, "Is that you, Lenny Dandridge, you prankster? Ha, shut up. Lenny, stop it, I'm gonna get you good! ... What? Oh, sorry, senator, you sound just like Lenny." I would have been embarrassed, if I thought he'd heard even half of what I said. He seemed like a nice man, but it did occur to me to wonder if he's really the best my party can do for such an important job.

Page 344: Meeting Katie Couric was kind of surreal -- she's not nearly as nice in person as she seems on TV. She kept asking all these "gotcha" questions: What about this policy? What about that position? What do you think America should do about blah blah blah? It made me wonder if there isn't a journalist left in America who's a decent person, instead of always trying to trick you like that.

Page 378: Some people found that Tina Fey very funny, impersonating me on "Saturday Night Live." I would have been angry, except I felt a little sorry for her, with a career that had gone down the toilet until I came along. I just considered it one of the good deeds for which God put me on the Earth, the latest example of his grand design for the planet since starting it way, way back 10,000 years ago.

Page 444: Yes, we lost the presidential race, and yes, I resigned as governor. But that's just the beginning. They say there's a new movie coming out, "2012," about how the world gets turned upside down that year. Let me tell you, they ain't seen nothing yet.

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