What would the "Sesame Street" Muppets have done with their lives if they hadn't gone into show business?

• Abby Cadabby -- She's pink. Naturally, she'd be a spokeswoman for breast cancer awareness.

• Bert -- Toe-tapping U.S. senator from Idaho found hiking the Appalachian Trail with Tinky-Winky.

• Big Bird -- After being kicked out of the NBA for asking too many questions, he'd be the founder of a national chain of clothing stores for the big-and-tall.

• Cookie Monster -- CEO of Keebler.

• Count von Count -- A retired math professor from Stanford, he'd be the Obama administration's bank czar.

• Elmo -- Lecturer on the evils of child abuse, especially tickling.

• Ernie -- Founder of an underground movement to rescue rubber duckies from amusement park arcades.

• Grover -- Enthusiastic contributor to Wikipedia until his entries were flagged for lacking verbs.

• Oscar the Grouch -- After eight years as vice president of the United States, he'd be a commentator on cable news.

• Snuffleupagus -- He would be an archaeologist hot on the trail of the Loch Ness Monster, Sasquatch and Abominable Snowman.

TV columnist Rob Owen's Tuned In+ is featured exclusively on PG+, a members-only web site from the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette. Our introduction to PG+ gives you all the details.