If you need any further evidence of what a third-rate economic power your good old U.S. of A. has become in this era of massive trade deficits and Wall Street shenanigans, just look to last week's Monopoly World Championship.

The world's best player of the best board game devoted to cut-throat capitalism is now Bjorn Halvard Knappskog. If that sounds like an un-American name to you -- try saying it three times fast -- you clearly know your fjords from your Fords. The Norwegian has presumably never been on the real Ventnor Avenue or Pennsylvania Railroad in his life. (Nor have most Americans, but that's beside the point.)

The 19-year-old student won $20,580 (equivalent to the standard amount in a Monopoly bank) by besting 40 other national champions representing their home countries at Caesar's Palace in Las Vegas, including a corporate lawyer from Buffalo. That's the 11th straight time the American representative has been spanked by someone from Japan, Italy, Singapore, Spain or elsewhere. Is it any wonder that the United States seems held in such low regard by the rest of the world?

"I thought I was in such a great position," lamented the U.S. champ, Rick Marinaccio, after acquiring the purple property group only got him third place. His failure and comment symbolized all that has gone wrong in America's recent history, from the inability to capture Osama bin Laden to the decision to air Jay Leno in prime time every night.

Raise your hand if you've ever played Monopoly with your children, friends, siblings or parents for what seemed like an eternity -- and probably was -- and silently said to yourself, "Geez, when is this game ever gonna end?" OK, that's just about everyone, as we suspected.

Phil Orbanes has changed all that. The world's foremost Monopoly historian, according to The Boston Globe, came up with the idea of adding a third die to the game. The change adopted by Hasbro last year speeds up both property acquisitions and payouts due from landing on built-up properties, supposedly getting the average game time under 90 minutes.

Mr. Orbanes, chief judge of the Monopoly World Championships, naturally thinks it's just the greatest game in the world, a "great equalizer" among family members.

"It was the first activity I participated in with my aunts and uncles where I felt equal," he told the Globe. "I wasn't the little kid who they were patting on the head, saying, 'There, there' or 'Do this' or 'Do that.' I was holding my own."

As hard-core playas know, he could only hold his own by focusing on the oranges and reds.

Going through the litany of game facts at www.monopoly.com -- such as Fidel Castro ordering all of the Monopoly sets in Cuba destroyed -- we were intrigued by the following Pittsburgh reference: "Parker Brothers once sent an armored car with one million dollars of the Monopoly game money to a marathon game in Pittsburgh that had run out of funds."

We subsequently found a Dec. 1, 1961, article in The Pittsburgh Press, explaining the dire straits for the University of Pittsburgh students of Sigma Alpha Mu fraternity. After several days of play, two conglomerates of players had built up evenly matched war chests of funds while breaking the bank, which was unable to pay them any longer when they passed Go.

Frat boy Eddie Leeds wired Parker Brothers that additional money was needed to finish the game. Company President Robert B.M. Barton wrote back: "Can't let bank fail. Rushing Air Express one million Monopoly dollars. Carry on!"

A Brink's armored truck was hired to bring the money from the airport to Dithridge Street. After that, either the boys completed the game, or more likely, someone said, "To heck with this, there's a basketball game on TV," and they never played again.

Cornell University researchers recently released results of a sophisticated mathematical study that calculated there's a 12 percent probability of a simple, two-player game of Monopoly lasting into infinity.

The Morning File author believes he was once -- and probably therefore, still is -- a player in such a game. Mr. Marinaccio, the American champ, told The San Diego Union-Tribune that while the never-ending game is theoretically possible, wheeling and dealing that should take place between players makes it unlikely.

"This is a trading game. I guess if you were stubborn and didn't make transactions, you could play for a very long time," Mr. Marinaccio said.

Come to think of it, we should probably stop by Sigma Alpha Mu just to make sure the boys have moved on to something more meaningful by now.

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