Food can be funny.

Some of my favorite funny TV moments were on M• A• S• H, when Army food suffered the razor-sharp wit of the characters, particularly Hawkeye. On the Web, swamp4077.tripod.com/mashquotes.htm digs up a few:

"Well, what's the slop du jour?" -- Hawkeye

"All it needs is a little salt.... pepper ... mustard ... ketchup ... flavor." -- Trapper

"It's the first time I've seen orange juice labeled 'freshly killed.' " -- Hawkeye

Ba-da-bum!

In an especially funny show, "Adam's Rib," Hawkeye has liver and onions so many times he starts a food riot and then successfully orders ribs from his favorite eatery in Chicago. But he doesn't get to eat them until he finishes with incoming wounded.

With Halloween next week, it's a perfect time to get funny with your food. Disney FamilyFun magazine e-mailed suggestions, including a costume for a funny, sunny-side-up egg carrying a spatula called Good Egg. More ideas are at FamilyFun's Web site, familyfun.go.com/halloween/halloween-kids-costumes. You'll also find winners of past costume contests, such as Birthday Cake Girl and Ham and Cheese. Click on Funny Costumes for directions for Good Egg and Ham and Cheese.

Over at crafts.kaboose.com, you'll find directions to be a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and a box of popcorn. At thedailygreen.com, costumes made from recycled materials are the rule, including Sweet Treat Girls (cupcake and cotton candy) and a crocheted Hamburger Dress costume. These are credited to one Joy Kampia O'Shell, who made it out of nylon yarn, but dailygreen suggested recycled yarns.

As if.

Gum Stuck Under a Table is among homemade costumes at familycrafts.about.com; find directions there, too..

I suppose that's not really food. But it's funny.

The South Side is getting all spooky. Sup at the Gypsy Cafe on Monday at a dinner show featuring ghost stories of Western Pennsylvania told by PG columnist Samantha Bennett and readings of the audience by medium Gary Miller. $35. Tarot card readings by Rebecca by appointment before dinner. Call 412-381-4977 for reservations (gypsycafe.net). Can't make it Monday? Ms. Bennett will hold forth Wednesday and on Nov. 4 and 11.

Meanwhile, the South Side Ghost Walking Tour continues tomorrow and Saturday and next weekend at 7 p.m. and 8:30 p.m., featuring historian Woody Cunningham. Tickets, $15, purchased at the Carson Street Deli. For details go to hauntedpittsburghtours.com. And kids (toddlers to 8 years old) get their chance at South Side fun at 6 p.m. Oct. 31. South Side Speaks and Life Stone Church will hold a Kids Fall Fest at Big Dog Coffee, 2727 Sarah St. Face painting, cookie and pumpkin decorating, candy. Finally, the annual Brashear Association luncheon and meeting will be held at noon next Thursday at Lemont, Mount Washington. Tickets, $40. Call 412-431-2236; e-mail administration@brashear.org.

That's the title of the continuing cooking series at Sewickley Public Library, based on "Moon Feast: Food and the Hunger for Connection," by Jessica Prentiss (Chelsea Green, $25). It's based on Ms. Prentiss' desire to improve her relationship with food and is organized around moon cycles and attendant foods, and is on my must-read list now. Sessions instructed by Green Chefs Kitty Leatham and Kate Jeffe will be held from 6:30 to 8:30 p.m. Nov. 10 (Snow Moon, featuring fermented and probiotic foods) and Dec. 15 (Moon of Long Nights, featuring comfort foods). $30 per. Call 412-741-6920 to reserve.

McGinnis Sisters' store in Adams is hosting a fire safety event and chili cook-off from 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. Saturday. Butler County volunteer firefighters will share family fire safety tips -- it's National Fire Safety Month -- while competing with their firehouse chilis. Power ladder rides for kids, plus free hotdogs and brick-oven pizza. Donate to the fire departments for their training budgets -- and the McGinnis Sisters will match it.

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