Tomorrow is National Boss Day. Don't forget. Order a dozen roses and expense it. He or she would do the same for you.

Seriously: National Boss Day? Isn't every day boss's day? That's like declaring White Guy History Month or TV Awareness Week.

The reason we have Administrative Professionals Day (formerly Secretaries Day, but they got a fancier title without any increase in pay in the last reorganization) is to remind bosses to do something nice and grateful for the people actually running the office.

Smart bosses know that they must furnish flowers or bagels and cream cheese or whatever because if they don't, they will have to figure out where the letterhead is on their own, and that could take weeks.

I worked as a Kelly Girl for a couple of summers (is that Kelly Woman now, or Kelly Person? Kelly Professional?) and I was keenly aware that I had the power to save or burn the bosses's bacon every single day. Fortunately, I used my powers only for good. As far as they knew.

But how do you celebrate Boss Day? Are you really supposed to buy gifts for someone whose kids have nicer cars than you do?

When it comes to Mother's Day and Father's Day, there's a power imbalance between kids and their parents, sure. But you're not expected to send Mom on a cruise or get Dad a new set of clubs while you're still in elementary school. Before you have any sophistication or purchasing power, you just char toast or make a macaroni picture or weave a hideous potholder.

Maybe your boss would be happy receiving an ashtray made out of paper clips and staples, but I wouldn't bet my personal days on it.

Boss Day was instituted in 1958 by a secretary who had just realized she'd forgotten her boss's birthday. This was particularly awkward because her boss was her father.

Another bogus holiday follows on Saturday. If you've entered a card store in the past month, you've seen threatening displays for Sweetest Day. Just what men were clamoring for: another candy-centric chick holiday.

No, I will not be requiring a spa certificate and a night of sangria and "The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants." The female half of any couple has a birthday, anniversary, Valentine's Day and probably Christmas. Let him get back up to speed between tolls. You don't want to become the Garden State Parkway of significant others.

Sweetest Day is apparently kind of a Great Lakes thing; Detroit, Cleveland and Buffalo make the biggest deal of it. And if you've been to Detroit, Cleveland and/or Buffalo, you know these people could use a hug and a scented candle.

It was dreamed up in Cleveland in the '20s by a committee of 12 confectioners (no! really?), and the idea was to give candy to the poor and orphans so they wouldn't be burdened with teeth.

The day I am really looking forward to is Oct. 23: Mole Day. I bet you can't guess what it celebrates.

Think it honors the little critters that burrow in the ground and make the hills that become mountains? Nope!

Reckon it's maybe the day to examine all your suspicious skin growths? Wrong again, but that could be fun too.

Mole Day is celebrated from 6:02 a.m. to 6:02 p.m. every Oct. 23 and commemorates Avogadro's Number: 6.02 x 1023. For a given molecule, a mole is a mass in grams whose number is equal to the atomic mass of the molecule.

For example, a water molecule has an atomic mass of 18, so one mole of water weighs 18 grams, and it contains 6.02 x 10 with 23 zeros after it molecules of water, and 18 grams of wet mole weighs the same as an avocado. But you knew that.

The theme of this year's Mole Day is "Molar Express." I'm not sure whether this is because moles bite or because they have a sweet tooth.

Maybe your boss would be willing to share some leftover candy with a mole. Consult your dermatologist.

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