No matter what a bunch of Scandinavians might think -- and we've all seen enough Bergman films to know their sense of humor is on the same level as a sardine's -- the most worthwhile awards handed out this month were the Ig Nobel Prizes.

The Annals of Improbable Research scientific humor magazine stages an elaborately tongue-in-cheek ceremony in Cambridge, Mass., every year to recognize ridiculous research. It announces awards at about the same time as the real Nobels, which are given out on the condition that no recipient may break a smile within 100 kilometers of Stockholm.

The Ig Nobel Peace Prize this year went to Swiss researchers who evaluated whether it is better to be smashed over the head with an empty beer bottle or one full of brew. For the answer, read on to the end. (Sorry, we can't give away all the good stuff this early -- you'd never finish reading.)

Among other honorees, some Californian examined arthritis by cracking the knuckles of one hand but not the other every day for 60 years, and a group of Japanese found that bacteria extracted from panda feces does wonders to reduce the volume of kitchen trash. And yes, their mothers are extremely proud of all of them.

The Ig Nobels may sound a tad silly, but there is a kernel of practicality in each, best demonstrated by this year's Public Health Prize. It went to Elena Bodnar of Chicago and partners, for an invention that might have sold like hotcakes -- or at least like a Wonder Bra -- at the Oakland street demonstrations during the G-20 summit.

Ms. Bodnar is a Ukraine native who has studied the effects of the 1986 Chernobyl nuclear plant disaster, during which people nearby were sickened by inhaling poisoned air. If only they'd worn brassieres capable of being converted to face masks, so many who were affected could have been protected.

That's the theory, at least, of Ms. Bodnar's U.S. patent No. 7255627, titled a "Garment Device Convertible to One or More Facemasks." During an emergency, her version of a brassiere is capable of becoming a pair of masks used by both the bra wearer and a fortunate bystander of her choosing. Best of all, the bra size doesn't even matter.

"You have to be prepared all the time, at any place, at any moment," she said, sounding just like a Boy Scout, though Boy Scouts don't usually wear bras. (A number of their Scoutmasters might, however.)

Three professors from different American universities won the Physics Ig Nobel for a research article bearing the fabulous title: "Fetal Load and the Evolution of Lumbar Lordosis in Bipedal Hominins."

That sounds a little like some Darwinian theory about avoiding heavy diapers while bicycling (which probably won an Ig Nobel in 2006) but instead has to do with a scientific explanation for why pregnant women don't tip over. (Honestly, it could make for some great YouTube material if pregnant women were toppling around us left and right, but it's probably more of a burden than they deserve.)

One of the research trio, University of Texas anthropology professor Liza Shapiro, told the Austin American-Statesman she was unaware that she was involved in research that anyone would view as funny. She and colleagues simply identified historic evidence of development of the female's back arch, which helps balance out the weight gain in front from pregnancy.

The Peace Prize answer -- take note, noted Nobel winner and beer swiller Barack Obama -- is that an empty bottle is sturdier than a full one and therefore a more reliable weapon upon the skull. But all in all, if you're the one being hit, you'd probably prefer the beer-wielder use a can.

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