"We don't even know if these sick kids even exist!"

That's Melissa Maher complaining about the "don't ask, don't tell" policy that comes with any workplace alibi involving children:

• Being late because a school bus didn't come.

• Leaving work early to care for a sick child.

• Saddling your colleagues with extra work on open house night.

These are the perceived fringe benefits of having children, at least from the view of those who don't have them. Now, Ms. Maher has devised a solution for the young and the childless.

She created The Office Kid, a $19.95 kit sold over the Internet that comes with all the evidence of parenthood.

Throw together a framed photo, some shabby artwork, even an official-looking doctor's note and voila -- you're a parent! Sort of.

You've at least got a fake kid to use as an excuse next time you want to skip out to the bar early.

And this is a flush time to be a parent -- school is under way, plus the swine flu scare adds another necessary shot appointment to the list.

Ms. Maher, who works full time as an advertising copywriter in New York, has the childless covered.

She offers eight options of children of varying gender and ethnicity to create a genetic match for increased plausibility.

Or you could choose the "Angelina Jolie plan" and get whatever look you want, she said.

The photos are royalty-free images, like the kind found inside picture frames.

That avoids the obvious legal hurdles of shipping some random child's face around the country.

The "kid's" artwork mimics a toddler's awkward motor skills, but really it's just Ms. Maher drawing with her left hand.

Business isn't booming, but it does seem to be steady. "I probably get about two or three orders a week," she said. "Overall, the company takes about five to six hours of my time a week."

She wasn't planning to wave a banner for the office singleton.

"I don't hate kids, I swear!" she said. In fact, she said she "probably will eventually" have them.

Still, she thinks there's an unfair work/life balance imposed on childless employees.

"It is a joke, but it does really represent a human truth in the workplace," she said. "The sacrifice is being put on people who don't have kids."

Her advertising tactics depend heavily on social media -- the Office Kid is on Twitter and Facebook, where "about 30 percent" of her fans are parents.

Ms. Maher has received orders from as far away as Denmark, Sweden and France -- places where she thought this wasn't much of a problem thanks to inordinate amounts of vacation time.

Some hate mail has come in, accusing her of belittling parenthood and female advancements in the workplace.

She said she was not encouraging anyone to start claiming Office Kids on their taxes.

It's been an educational experience for her. "I'm actually getting better at drawing with my left hand because of all the practice," Ms. Maher said. "Maybe I'll start drawing with my feet."

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