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PrintI knew I could be wrong about this, and I knew my husband would not like it.
But I just couldn't help myself: I used the self-checkout at the grocery store.
Hey, I had reason: There was a great sale going on, and the regular checkout lines were 10 deep.
The scenario was promising. The attendant for the four self-checkout lines was at her post, and I had learned from my mistakes in previous ugly tangles with this system.
I knew I could beat it, I just knew I could.
I scanned my shoppers' card. "Please scan your first item."
Success!
By the time my husband, who was fetching cabbage, caught up with me, I was trucking. I ignored his "I'll-tell-you-later-in-the-car-what-I think-of-this" muttering.
Bread -- scanned. Milk -- scanned. Broccoli -- no universal price code. Push the veggie button. Push the broccoli button. Weighed -- scanned. Success again!
Cantaloupe was next. No UPC. Push the fruit button. Push the cantaloupe button. Push the quantity button.
Nothing.
"Please leave the item on the scanner and wait," said the self-checkout.
"Take it off the scanner," said the attendant.
"It said to leave it there!" I said, as I removed it.
She did whatever and the cantaloupe scanned.
I took yogurt out of the cart. We had 10 of them, so I figured I'd do what the pros do: Scan 'em all at once and then bag them.
Scan. Nothing. I tried another carton: Scan. Nothing. Scan, scan, scan, scan, scan, scan, scan.
Nothing.
Did I hear the checkout say to "Please place the item in the bag"?
Oh. Yeah. Scan. Bag.
"Please scan your next item."
Stupid thing.
Then the bags filled up. Self-checkouts respond not to customer pique but to the weight of the items in the bags. Move the bags, and you're dead in the water.
My cart of unbagged groceries was still half full, even though I used the bags judiciously.
"What do I do?" I asked the attendant.
"Well, you'll have to put the bags on the floor," she said as she reset something or other.
We had 13 bags by the time we finished, half of them on the floor blocking the self-checkout aisle. My head was vaguely paining me; the 10-deep checkout lines next to us had long been depleted and repopulated; my husband was snickering.
"I will NEVER do this again! I swear this time!" I declared.
We put all of the bags in the cart.
I don't think I heard an "I told you so" from my spousal unit.
But I could be wrong.
No, no -- everything in the tanks is safe. The Pittsburgh Zoo & PPG Aquarium and Alaska Wilderness will hold "A Taste of the Tongass: A Jammin' Salmon Cookoff" from 6:30 to 8 p.m. Monday at the zoo in Highland Park, celebrating Sustainable Seafood Month. Each chef (from Big Burrito, Six Penn Kitchen, A Taste of the Wild Catering and Whole Foods) will prepare an entree with salmon and participants will taste and vote for their favorite. Registration deadline is Saturday. Fee: $30 for zoo members, $35 nonmembers. E-mail Margie Marks at mmarks@pittsburghzoo.org or call her at 412-365-2520 for more details.
Home cooks are wanted by organizers of the Greater Pittsburgh Women's & Food Expo, to be held Oct. 17 and 18 at the Monroeville Convention Center. You don't have to be a chef but you should have a desire to show folks how to prepare a meal or signature dish. Contact Dean Taylor at dtaylor@eventexperts.org. The expo, featuring Eleanor Schano, will be held from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. Oct. 17 and 11 a.m. to 4 p.m. Oct. 18. Take in demonstrations and samplings of food, health and wellness, beauty and home products, as well as guest speakers and chefs. $6 admission; womensexpo.org for a $1 off coupon. Phone: 1-866-625-6161.
The Carpo-Rusyn Society will mark its 15th anniversary with a number of events, beginning with an art opening tomorrow from 7 to 9 p.m. at the National Carpo-Rusyn Cultural and Education Center, 915 Dickson St., Munhall. Featured: Prague photographer Dana Kyndrova's scenes from Transcarpathia. On Saturday, Rusyn foods, arts and more take center stage from 11 a.m. to 8 p.m. at the first National Carpatho-Rusyn Festival. $5 admission; children under 17 free. A bus tour of Rusyn sites in the city, including churches and Andy Warhol's childhood home, will be offered beginning at 1 p.m. $12; reservations recommended. A banquet, at which the Michael Strank Award for Service will be bestowed, caps events on Sunday. Mr. Strank was among the servicemen who raised the flag during World War II at Iwo Jima. For more details, call John Righetti at 412-749-0675 or e-mail president@c-rs.org.
Slow Food continues to kick out the jams this month, including Applefest 2009 from 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. Oct. 24 at Union Project, Stanton and Negley avenues, Highland Park. Includes the Fourth Pro-Am Apple Pie Baking Contest. Entries due by noon; $5 entry fee. Volunteers are needed on several fronts. To fetch apples from orchards and help set up, e-mail dongibbon@earthlink.net. To assist with pie judging, e-mail Susan Barclay at stbarclay13@verizon.net.
Notable at Giant Eagle Market District: Putting Your Garden to Bed with organic gardeners Doug Oster and Jessica Walliser, Oct. 18, at Shadyside and Bethel Park; Fall Harvest Event with dishes made from pumpkin, squash and apples and carving demonstration by "master carver" Ian Michael Andrew, 4 to 8 p.m. tomorrow, Bethel Park, and 4 to 8 p.m. Oct. 16, Shadyside; Diwali (Festival of Lights) Indian Food Celebration noon and 3 p.m. at Bethel Park and Shadyside. ... The annual Taste of the NFL food and wine event Feb. 7 in St. Petersburg, Fla., raised $200,000 for 33 food banks, including $3,000 for the Greater Pittsburgh Food Bank. ... Turner Dairy Farms of Penn Hills received second place for its 2-percent white milk and cottage cheese at the World Dairy Expo Championship Products Competition last month in Madison, Wis. The company also placed third for its 1-percent chocolate milk.
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