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Humor guides author's advice to others
Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Bertice Berry has had an unusual career trajectory. After earning her Ph.D. in sociology from Kent State University, she taught the subject there in a way no one had done before. Her use of humor in addressing uncomfortable topics like racism and sexism made her one of the most popular teachers on campus, to the point that her classes had to be moved to larger lecture halls

From academia, she made the jump to comedian, entertainer and lecturer, host of her own talk show, guest on "Oprah," "The Tonight Show" and "20/20," author of 10 books, including "I'm on My Way, But Your Foot Is on My Head," "Sckraight From the Ghetto" and the novel "Redemption Song."

Oh, and she's also the single mother of five adopted children.

In the process of getting where she is, Dr. Berry developed a philosophy about living a purposeful life at home, work and in the community. That's what she'll address as keynote speaker at the sold-out United Way Women's Leadership Council breakfast, taking place today at the Westin Convention Center Hotel. It will be the eighth annual breakfast for the 1,200-member group, which has raised $11 million since its inception.

Dr. Berry, 49 and living in Savannah, Ga., said she misses teaching in the classroom and getting to see students through to their "awakening." But, she added, "I'm still teaching every day though lectures, sharing wisdom and information, although it may be in the form of a story or joke. I'm still taking scientific statistics and research findings on work-family balance and making it something people want to hear.

"We all have a filter on life," she said, "and everybody's got stuff in their filter. For me it was my ex-husband. I was married and divorced the same year, so I had to write a country song: 'If I shot you when I met you I'd be out of jail by now.' We've all got to clean the filter on a regular basis so we don't have a clouded window on life."

She grew up in Wilmington, Del., in a funny family, she said. "My mother used to say, 'I'm gonna slap you from amazing grace to a floating opportunity.' That is brilliant. Where'd she come up with that?"

Her mom worked double shifts at a nursing home to feed her seven children, she said. The patients were well off financially but in various stages of dementia, and they treated her terribly, throwing bedpans at her and calling her awful names.

"No wonder she drank," said Dr. Berry. "But still she'd make us visit the people who didn't have any family, no matter how bad they were to her. As difficult as it was, she'd pull out all this humor to get us through."

Her sister's children were born addicted to crack and were about to be sent into the foster system when Dr. Berry adopted all three at once at the urging of her mother. That was 17 years ago.

"I went from a two-seater sports car to a van overnight," she said. Later she adopted two unrelated children from similarly difficult circumstances. All those children now range in age from 16 to 30. And that doesn't count the others she's taken under her wing when they aged out of the foster system with no one else to help them and nowhere else to go.

"I believe that purpose collides with destiny," she said. "People who are in purpose are able to create miracles. We're the miracle agents on Earth, simply by doing what we've been taught to do and love to do. Then the right things happen.

"But we've also got to take better care of ourselves and each other. The people who do everything for everyone else get tired or sick and don't deal with their own stuff. I would like them to identify five others who could be like them and help share their load."

Regarding the upcoming G-20 summit in Pittsburgh and the serious shortage of women leaders, Dr. Berry said it's the people who understand and believe in balance who will change the world for the better, regardless of gender.

"If women get into power and act just like the people who tried to keep us out, that doesn't serve anyone. But if we remember who we are, or if we raise sons to be balanced, beautiful beings, that will cause change, too.

"We need to recognize we are all in positions of power, whatever we're doing. Homemakers, mothers, teachers, nurses -- we have to learn to use that to create the world we want to see. Once we support and love each other, we will be the prime ministers."

Sally Kalson can be reached at skalson@post-gazette.com or 412-263-1610.
First published on September 16, 2009 at 12:00 am