DEAR CAT: I've been married for five years. My wife found her ex-boyfriend on Facebook and they talk, supposedly only about "insurance and music." Well, that was a lie. After finding e-mails referring to times they went out, I hinted to her about them, but she continued to lie. I've found notes around the house, all ripped up, but I can read some of the lines. I saw a text on her phone saying she still loves him and it broke my heart. I asked her, "If something happened to us would you go back to him?" She said, "No, he is married." But in one e-mail he said that he'd end his marriage for her and she would go back to him. She even suggested a double date with him and his wife, to which I said no. Then a few weeks ago, when we were out for the evening, she said "I love you," for the first time in six months. What should I think about all this? -- SO SAD

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DEAR SAD: It's one thing to find an ex online and see where he lives, how many kids he has or if he's become ugly. But your wife is cheating. Yes, cheating, by engaging in intimacy with another man. He is in her mind, on her phone, in her in-box and littered around your house. She's lying, sneaking around and leaving clues for you to figure it out, which you did long ago, but you can't bear to face it. You already know what to make of this. The next step is having a real conversation about it. You're not a fool, and your wife doesn't want to be married to one. If you continue to play one, you won't respect yourself, and most of all ...

Cat's Call: Your marriage will never be OK again.

DEAR CAT: I'm going to a beautiful island for my friend's wedding. He was the best man in my wedding and I am in his. If the wedding were local we'd have no problem spending hundreds on a wedding gift, but $3,000 later in travel expenses and $300 for his bachelor party weekend, it'll be hard to buy him a beer! If not for this trip, we'd otherwise put the money into our new home, a more modest vacation or a savings account. Would love your two cents (possibly all I can afford) for what would be an appropriate gift. -- BROKE BEST MAN

DEAR BROKE: You don't have to spend a fortune. A thoughtful gift is perfect. The couple's registry is always the No. 1 place to look. If others have already snatched up the less expensive gifts and one of the most expensive would be ideal, get others to share in the expense. If that's not an option, give from the heart, perhaps something beautiful and unique for their home. (When I was a maid of honor, I gave a beautiful agate lamp that was one-of-a-kind but not terribly expensive.) Most important, don't let the money stress keep you from having a fabulous time.

Cat's Call: Good friends don't want you to go broke.