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Cat's Call
Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
34 Blvd. of the Allies
Pittsburgh, Pa. 15222

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DEAR CAT: I have a friend at work whom I'm really cool with. She is married, and I know she loves her husband very much. At work we get along well, talk openly about our lives, and she considers me a good friend. What bothers me is when I text or e-mail her outside of work, she never responds. The only time she responded was when I expressed feelings about a girl at work whom I like, and she was very supportive. (I'm still not totally over this girl.) She seems like she cares about me, and it's mutual. When she e-mails me at my personal address, I always respond. She knows I don't like it when people don't respond, and she doesn't like that either. I'm confused -- are we really friends, just half-friends or mere co-workers? Does this mean anything? -- FRIEND OR NO?

DEAR FRIEND: Yes, your friendship is real, but it's also limited. Don't sweat it. Work friendships often ebb outside the office. You have to remember that she's married, and her husband might question why she's taking time to console you, e-mail you, text you or otherwise spend time focused on you. Of course nobody likes to be "ignored," but she is, after all, a married woman, and her non-work time will understandably be spent with her husband, not a single male co-worker. Don't read anything into it. Just enjoy the friendship as it is. On another note, try befriending and dating women outside your workplace.

Cat's Call: It's a crazy idea, but give it a shot.

DEAR CAT: For the past two years a friend has been selling Tastefully Simple products. If you're not familiar with it, she finds someone to host a party and then attempts to sell products to those in attendance. I feel obligated to go to these parties, but the problem is she has one almost every week! The products are nice but quite expensive when compared to grocery store brands. She constantly badgers our friends to have parties so she can sell an additional $3,000 worth of products, which would win her a trip to Cancun. She refers to this as her "job," but it feels more like a charity case. How can I be expected to give her money for overpriced meals while my husband and I are struggling ourselves? I've declined invitations in the past, but she is relentless. How do I say no without hurting her feelings or damaging the friendship? -- I TASTEFULLY DECLINE

DEAR TASTEFUL: I've never heard of Tastefully Simple, but even if the products are good it's certainly not tasteful to pressure your friends to support you. I understand your hesitation to give it to her straight, but you should be able to tell her you're not interested without jeopardizing the relationship. Hey, even if she sells products you want to buy doesn't mean you will (or can) buy them all the time. If she can't make a go of this venture without using pressure tactics on her friends, she's in the wrong line of work. What irks me most ...

Cat's Call: It's not really "winning" the Cancun trip if her friends paid for it.