Question: My 3-year-old daughter attends childcare. The staff there has been asking me to have her assessed because her behavior is unpredictable and impulsive. I think she is just manipulating them and is fine at home, because she knows I wouldn't put up with her behavior. What do you think?

Answer: Sometimes a fresh, objective set of eyes can provide wonderful ideas for working with a child whose behaviors are challenging.

But there are steps you might try first.

Remember that home and childcare are different settings, probably with different expectations, routines, and rules. At home your daughter has your close attention, while at childcare she's probably competing with multiple children for the attention of the staff.

Also keep in mind that the childcare teachers get to know your child well; they have time to observe her in a variety of situations.

We suggest that you request a conference with your daughter's teachers. Ask questions including whether they've been tracking her behavior and recording things such as possible triggers, what happened, and consequences. Is there a pattern -- for instance, time of day or set of circumstances when the difficult behaviors are more frequent? What behavior plan do they have in place? How are they encouraging compliance--for instance, a reward chart, visual cues, classroom rules, and so forth?

Together you and the teachers could set up a communication logbook to note behaviors and exchange observations and ideas. The notebook could travel to and from childcare with your little girl. Together, you and the staff might fairly quickly determine patterns, come up with workable strategies, and see results.

But if, after you've tried all these things, the behaviors are still interfering with your daughter's ability to learn, then an outside evaluation would be in order. Such an unbiased evaluation can provide both the childcare staff and you with greater insight into your child's behaviors. It could be, for instance, that she isn't processing instructions, or her receptive language skills aren't at age level. Understanding the cause will help the childcare team and you develop an effective plan.

We wish you good luck. Meanwhile, please keep in mind that, if your childcare staff is anything like ours, they love your daughter and want only the best for her.