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Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
34 Blvd. of the Allies
Pittsburgh, Pa. 15222
DEAR CAT: In college I was really good friends with someone in the area. After graduation I realized her boyfriend was a controlling scumbag. One night he got so high and drunk that he felt me up while my friend just sat there and laughed. He pushed me to go out with one of his druggie friends, etc. My friend always sided with him, and there were many times they said I had to do whatever they wanted, and if I said no they made me feel like the worst person in the world. I eventually stopped talking to her, and I actually felt great because she was pulling me down. Since then I've changed jobs, and I see my other friends less because of work. I wonder sometimes if I made the right choice in ending our friendship. Then I think of everything I went through with her and I think, "Why was I even friends with her?" Did I make the right choice by cutting her out of my life?
-- SECOND THOUGHTS
DEAR SECOND: Wait, I know that guy! He once dated a friend of mine and threatened to drop her in the Potomac River. Ah, college. Anyway, ending a friendship can be very tough. It's a breakup, really, and it leaves a hole in your life. Later on there might be occasions (like now) when loneliness makes you reconsider your choices. But you said it yourself. You felt great after she and the scumbucket were out of your life. There is a chance she, too, was pulled down by her involvement with that boyfriend. If he's gone, she might have grown up and pulled it together. If you really miss her, give her a call. But ...
CAT'S CALL: Since she hasn't reached out to you, it's probably not worth the effort.
DEAR CAT: I ride the bus every day for work, and there is a young woman I speak with, mostly just typical talk, such as weather, etc. A couple of months ago she blurted out that she was kicking her fiance to the curb, and she made comments that indicated she might be interested in going out with me. The problem is that she alternates between talking about a future without him and taking trips with him. Should I kiss her off or wait until she makes a concrete move to ditch him?
-- CONFUSED
DEAR CONFUSED: Who jumps from talking about the weather to talking about ending an engagement? Questionable people, that's who. If your story mentioned a "boyfriend" rather than a "fiance" I'd tell you to go for it, but seeing as she's engaged, forget her. You should view an engaged person as completely, totally and in all other ways unavailable. The very fact that she discusses her relationship status with you -- a single male stranger -- is a major red flag. Even more bothersome is her hinting about dating you. Of course I understand that "engaged" is not "married," but engagement is the promise of a life together ...
CAT'S CALL: Until that promise is broken, don't give her another thought.
