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Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
34 Blvd. of the Allies
Pittsburgh, Pa. 15222
DEAR CAT: Many years ago I was involved with a beautiful young woman. We talked about marriage and a life together but we were still in school, so our plans were on hold until we could support ourselves. After school, I foolishly decided to join the military and left my lady's side. Instead of staying faithful, I ran around on her like a selfish, stupid, immature idiot. Needless to say, I lost my first true love and we each went on to marry and raise families. Since then, I've had several tragedies involving the women in my life (my wife, mother and daughter) and for more than 20 years I have been carrying the guilt of what I did to my girl. I was raised Catholic and feel that the tragedies inflicted on the women closest to me are punishment for what I did in the past. My best friend says to forget it. Am I crazy, Cat? -- LIVING IN EXTREME SORROW FOR WHAT I DID.
DEAR LIVING: Your guilt may be Catholic, but your theory is karmic. I certainly can't play religious judge and jury to your life. Instead, I'll offer a completely non-religious perspective: Viewing the tragedies of others only as punishment to yourself might be evidence you're still somewhat selfish. Yes, cheating is terrible, but guilt doesn't undo the deed. Rather than looking for absolution, use your time and energy in a positive, selfless way. Everyone experiences tragedy in life ...
Cat's Call: It doesn't mean they deserved it.
DEAR CAT: I am debating expanding my wedding guest list. My fiance has a much smaller family than mine and he is inviting first cousins, some second cousins and friends. On my side, I have about 50 first cousins (all married), so my list would be pretty large without including friends. I don't think it's appropriate to include just some of the first cousins, so I'm taking the "all or none" approach. We are tentatively having about 125 guests without my first cousins and I'm trying to keep the number down for budget reasons. Some cousins are out of town and probably wouldn't go, but the possibility could be costly. Plus, I am feeling a bit of guilt because I was invited to all of their weddings. Does it go against wedding etiquette to not invite first cousins if the groom invites his? -- ALL (OR NOTHING) IN THE FAMILY
DEAR ALL: I was once in a wedding with 14 bridesmaids and eight groomsmen. Lopsided? Yes. Did it work out fine? Absolutely. I don't know any rules about "matching" family members but don't worry about rules. Focus on enjoying your wedding day and maintaining a manageable guest list. You can't possibly have a close, ongoing relationship with all 50 cousins. If you were invited to a family member's wedding, it's most polite to reciprocate but it's not a requirement. These days, everyone understands the insane cost of weddings. Going broke and being riddled with guilt are not in fashion. And if they don't understand ...
Cat's Call: They don't deserve an invitation.
